Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
“Well, I might not go today because Ben usually goes with me, but now I don’t know if he’ll want to go with me after what happened last night.”
Sarah laughed. “Yes, Gabby, I bet after kissing the girl he’s loved for approximately eternity, he won’t be in the mood to go to church with you.”
It was too confusing to think about Ben loving me like that because I risked a lot to follow the man of my dreams to college, having no idea if he could ever feel the same about me. And Ben was supposed to be my friend, supporting me, not loving me like that or kissing me like he did.
“Thanks for no help.”
“Gabby.” Sarah sighed. “I love you. And I’ll support you no matter what. Just be yourself, and everything will work out how it’s supposed to.”
“And who am I?” It sounded like a dumb question, but after that kiss, I wasn’t sure.
“You’re kind. Everyone knows it. If you’re kind, then you and everyone else will be fine.”
I wasn’t so sure.
“Okay,” I said.
“See you at Thanksgiving. I’m here if you need anything.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
“Bye, Gabbs.”
I hung up the phone, grabbed my toiletry bag, and opened the door to head to the bathroom.
“Oh!” I jumped, not expecting Ben to be on the other side.
“We should talk.”
Pressing my lips together, I nodded several times. “I don’t know why that happened. And I don’t want things to be weird. Do they have to be weird?”
“What do you mean you don’t know why?” He squinted.
“I mean, I know we’re just friends, so maybe it’s because I pushed you to show me how to kiss, or maybe we’re both adjusting to being away from home. So that’s what I mean.”
He studied me for a few seconds. I did not know what I meant because his proximity made me nervous and warm. That kiss ruined us. How would I ever look at him the same way again?
“I need to use the bathroom, wash my face, and get ready for church. Are you going?”
“So that’s it? It happened. It’s no big deal? Unknown cause?”
“Yep,” I murmured.
“Because you like Matt.”
I nodded. “And you like Olivia.”
Ben stared over my head with a faraway gaze toward the window in my dorm room. “Fine,” he whispered.
“Give me fifteen minutes. Have you had breakfast?”
He slowly brought his attention back to me. “Yeah, but I’ll eat again with you.”
I smiled. “Thanks.” On instinct, I reached for his chest to rest my palm on it like I had done so many times before, but it suddenly felt too personal, so I just as quickly returned my hand to my side and brushed past him to the bathroom.
That day, something died between us.
CHAPTER TWELVE
MARTIKA, “TOY SOLDIERS”
Ben
Gabby kept her distance after the kiss in the stairwell. We walked to our only class together, and she jumped if my hand or arm accidentally brushed hers. At Sunday church service, she set her purse on the pew between us, where she used to set it on the floor at her feet. She couldn’t look at me for more than a few seconds without averting her gaze. And she talked about the weather.
The. Fucking. Weather.
Olivia told me when Gabby went bowling with Matt, and he helped her with homework. To Olivia’s knowledge, they were just friends, which made me feel like Matt had replaced me.
To make matters worse, I was sick with a sore throat and no energy.
“You should go to the doctor,” Jason suggested as I remained in bed for the sixth day in a row after spending days prior to that trying to attend classes while feeling like death.
“It’s just a sore throat,” I mumbled, turning onto my side and pulling the covers over my head.
“Are you taking any of the stuff in this sack?” he asked.
Gabby picked me up a bunch of over-the-counter-medicines after Olivia told her I was sick, but nothing worked beyond helping me sleep.
“Yes,” I grumbled, feeling like absolute shit. I wasn’t one to get homesick or miss my mom, but I was on the verge of breaking down and begging her to come take care of me. I didn’t, though, because who called their mommy to bring them chicken noodle soup in college?
“Well, I’m heading out. Don’t die.”
I didn’t have the energy to answer him. Eventually, I fell asleep.
When I awoke, it was dark. How did I sleep the whole day away? How did I not hear Jason come back from his classes?
As I sat up, feeling unstable, I needed to pee, so I stood. It felt like I was on a boat, and I quickly lost my balance and fell. I pushed myself to sitting and cupped a hand over my ear. Something was off. There was a ringing in my ears.
I jumped when Jason touched my arm. Then he turned on the light.