Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 116471 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116471 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Once I was in the bathroom, I hesitated. Maybe now was the time to be brave. I opened my toilet bag and pulled out a pregnancy test.
After I’d peed on it, I put it down on the counter and waited.
“Emma? You’ve been in there for a while. Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath. “It’s not locked. You can come in.”
Samuel opened the door and peered in cautiously. He scanned me, then his eyes landed on the pregnancy test on the counter. His eyes widened. “Are you?”
“I don’t know. I’m overdue.”
Samuel moved closer, almost cautiously, and touched my shoulder.
“I’m scared it’s negative.”
“We haven’t been trying for long,” he said.
“I know, but this time, it really feels like I’m pregnant, and I know I’ll be disappointed if I’m not.”
I glanced at my watch. It was time. I picked up the pregnancy test, and my face burst into a smile.
Pregnant.
My heart hammered in my chest when Emma picked up the test. I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. I had absolutely no clue about pregnancy tests. The only time I’d witnessed someone taking a test had been with Serafina, but back then, I’d been so shocked that I hadn’t paid attention at all.
“I’m pregnant,” Emma whispered, tears filling her eyes.
I blew out the breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. I stared down at the test, then back at Emma’s stunned face.
“Are you happy?”
I nodded and bent down, kissing her cheek and lips. “I am. I’m also a little shocked. I don’t know why.”
I felt a million things all at once. We had been trying for months, but this was the first time it really sank in. We’d become parents. I’d become a father with a whole new set of responsibilities and another person, a small baby, to protect.
“I am too. Shocked, I mean, and happy and scared. Maybe even terrified.” I pulled back a little and looked at Emma’s widened eyes. “Are we ready to become parents?”
I chuckled. “I think we have to be.”
Emma nodded, then looked back down at the test. “Oh wow.” On the one hand, seeing Emma’s shock and nervousness was consoling, but on the other hand, it made me realize that we’d both be thrown into this.
I took her hand and kissed it. “You’ll be a great mom. You love to take care of people.”
“I thought you didn’t like it when I mothered you,” Emma said with a teasing smile.
“Sometimes I don’t, and sometimes I do, but I’m sure a baby will love it.”
She giggled, then shook her head again. I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. After laying her on the mattress, I stretched out beside her, pulling her close.
In many regards, I would have to do even better in the future. Emma needed me now more than ever. I hadn’t been completely honest with her regarding my alcohol consumption. I had tried to drink far less, but it had proven challenging, so I’d mostly drunk at work or at night when Emma had been asleep.
Now that she had to take care of the baby growing inside her, I could confide in her even less. I didn’t want her to worry. This was my personal battle, and I was determined to win.
Admitting to addiction meant weakness in the eyes of a Made Man. It made me furious. This was simple physics. Even if they considered themselves stronger than other people, they were still bound to nature’s laws, and their bodies craved whatever drug they were addicted to. Maybe their strength made it easier for them to resist, but perhaps it made it harder because they never sought help.
Seeing Samuel struggle with his demons alone, thinking he needed to do it alone, broke my heart. I wanted to help him, but I wasn’t sure how. Should I set an ultimatum? Should I put a virtual barrel to his head?
I touched my bump. I needed to do something for our baby’s sake. For Samuel’s sake. For our family’s sake.
Maybe I had been foolish to think that my pregnancy would give Samuel the push he needed to stop drinking, but it had only made him more secretive when it came to his consumption. Maybe he thought I didn’t notice how often he snuck down to his office at night or how he had an array of chewing gum and even mouthwash in his car and probably his office. But his office was always locked nowadays. I hadn’t cornered him about it yet, still foolishly hoping things would solve themselves.
In December, I finally gathered my courage. There were only three more months until my due date, and I knew time was running out if we wanted to tackle Samuel’s problem before that.
Samuel and I had dinner together like every evening. Samuel had his usual glass of wine, never more, at least not in my presence, but I’d smelled the hint of alcohol on him when he’d returned earlier. My sense of smell had improved over the course of my pregnancy, so it was almost impossible to keep something like that from me.