Total pages in book: 48
Estimated words: 44622 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 223(@200wpm)___ 178(@250wpm)___ 149(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 44622 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 223(@200wpm)___ 178(@250wpm)___ 149(@300wpm)
"Why?"
"Because they're changing."
"They're supposed to change, brother," Oliver says, his voice a soft rumble. "You think she worked so fucking hard to get through law school because she wants to be some badass lawyer? Hell no. She poured herself into it because it's what she had left. You were gone. She lost her brother. Law school kept her putting one foot in front of the other. It gave her something to channel her pain into, something that didn't hurt. She needed the structure and discipline and plan, otherwise, I don't think she would have gotten up in the mornings."
"You never told me that she lost him."
"I wanted to," he admits after a moment. "I considered it a thousand times when shit was really bad, but…"
"You didn't think I'd care."
"No, I didn't think you'd survive if I told you. She wasn't the only one just trying to make it through the day, man. You were, too. I didn't know why you left, but I knew it broke you, too. You tried to hide it, but everyone could see it. You didn't even want to come home, and when you did, it's like you couldn't wait to leave again. You never smiled. You never laughed. You just…existed. I didn't want to lay that at your feet when I knew how you'd take it."
"It fucking killed me," I rasp. "When she told me, I mean."
"Yeah, I figured it would." He sighs. "But honestly, man? Even if you had been here, losing him would have broken her just the same. Pierce was her hero. Nothing you said or did would have made it hurt any less. Shit like that isn't supposed to hurt less."
"Yeah." I swallow hard. "I still wish I'd been here."
"I know, but you were just trying to survive, too." He sighs again. "I wish we'd known the whole story. Maybe we could have brought you two back together a long goddamn time ago had we known."
"It's not your fault." I turn to glance at him over my shoulder. "And it doesn't matter now. We can't undo the past, so we're not dwelling on it anymore. We're moving forward."
It'll always sting a little bit. I'll probably always feel guilty as hell. But maybe that's what I need to feel. It's a reminder of what I stand to lose if I ever fuck up with her. It's a glimpse of what the future looks like without her. I lived it once. I know how much that shit burns. And I know damn well that I'll do whatever it takes to never end up back there again, living in the dark because her sunshine is missing from my life.
"You want to know what I've learned from loving Lucy?" he asks after a moment.
"What's that?"
"Just love her, man. If you aren't sure how, ask her. Let her guide you. But hold on tight because that's what she needs from you. Regardless of how she changes or how her dreams do or what she goes through, all she'll ever need is for you to love her through it. She's the softest part of you, and you'll want to put yourself in front of everything to protect her because the thought of anything happening to her will be the most terrifying thing you've ever faced, but sometimes, the best thing you can do for her is just let her live. Don't be the thing that makes life harder for her," he murmurs. "You're her safety."
"I can do that." Hell, loving her is the easy part. It's as simple as breathing. But he's right. The thought of anything happening to her is terrifying. And I guess that's the part I'm struggling with right now—worry that she's letting go of something she really wants and will end up hurt in the end. But…Paisley has always known her own mind. She's always been strong.
If her dreams have changed, maybe I need to sit back and let them. I need to do what he said and love her through it. Maybe one day, they'll change again. She'll decide she wants the things she wanted before, and I'll move heaven and earth to make sure she gets them. Or maybe she won't decide that. Maybe what she wants right now is leading her precisely where she's always been meant to go. Either way, that's her decision to make. All I need to do is love her through it.
I can do that. Fuck yeah, I can do that.
"Thanks, man," I murmur to Oliver. "You're smart as hell, sometimes, you know that?"
"Oh, I know." He grins at me. "One of us had to get the brains, and since it wasn't you…"
I bark laughter, lifting my middle finger in the air. "Fuck you very much, you asshole. I've got brains."
He chuckles, hauling himself out of his chair. "I've got shit to do today."