Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92411 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92411 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
“The same, and I don’t want to talk about them. I want to talk about you. How was last weekend? Did you pull off being fake-engaged to a stranger? How have I not spoken to you in five days?”
I hadn’t been deliberately dodging Melanie’s calls. Not exactly. The time difference is definitely a factor, but I know in my heart of hearts if I’d wanted to speak to Melanie this week, I would have found a way. Part of me—a big part—wants to keep this past weekend to myself. At least until I can make more sense of it all.
I grin. “It was great. The duke and duchess were so nice and welcoming, and it wasn’t as intimidating as I expected. I probably made a thousand faux pas, but everyone was kind enough not to mention them.”
“You’re hanging out with the British aristocracy, boo. If Jed could see you now, hey?”
I rarely thought about Jed over the weekend, other than how different Ben is from him. I was far more focused on Ben. There wasn’t much space in my brain left for anyone else.
The truth is, I don’t care what Jed would think of me here in England, or at all. “Catch me up on everyone. How’s Callie?” Melanie’s a part of me, but the other girls? I’m fond of them, they’re fun, and it’s always great to catch up with what’s going on in their lives, but I can’t say I’ve actually thought much about them since I’ve been here. It’s like they got washed away by the ocean on the way over.
“Well, Ginger thinks Michael’s about to propose.”
I’m genuinely shocked. They’ve been together five years, and there’d been no talk of marriage. “Really?”
“She’s just hit thirty and he’s nearly thirty-two. If they want to have kids, they better get on with it.”
“What, so you hit an arbitrary birthday and you have to settle down with whoever’s around? Dating as musical chairs—the music stops and you grab whatever’s left?”
Melanie pauses before she says, “It’s not like that. They love each other. They’re living together; they’re practically married anyway.”
“I guess. Except I was practically married to Jed, and look what happened there.” Ginger and Michael are a great couple. Just because Jed and I didn’t work out doesn’t mean they won’t. I’m not bitter either; I just see things more clearly now. Jed and I were a great couple in lots of ways. But we weren’t meant to spend the rest of our lives together.
“David spoke to Jed last week.”
I’m sure I should feel some kind of pain at the idea of Jed calling my best friend’s boyfriend, but I don’t. I don’t feel a certain way, but I’m not numb to it either. I’m certainly not in denial anymore.
“Do you want to talk about this?” she asks.
“Not really,” I say honestly. Not because I don’t want to dredge up old feelings, but because old feelings aren’t relevant to my life now. Jed’s gone. I might feel differently when I get back to New York, but honestly, it feels like I’m over him. It’s better like this. “Jed leaving was a shock. But I think he did the right thing. Beyond history, I’m not sure what we shared. I’m realizing we weren’t connected in the way a couple should be. The fact he could suddenly up and leave me and I didn’t have the slightest inkling means something between us was missing.”
“You think you grew apart? Became like . . . brother and sister?”
I shrug. All I can see is Ben at the moment. “I’m not sure we would have stayed together if it hadn’t been for my mother’s death.”
“Tuesday, men don’t stay because they feel sorry for women. Not for a decade anyway.”
I didn’t mean Jed stayed, more that I had. I was so afraid of losing someone again, I clung on well past the time I should have let go.
“Yeah, but we weren’t right together.” I think back to dancing with Ben in the walled garden—how in sync we were, how connected I felt to him physically and mentally. “I never felt Jed and I were a team. I could never read him like I can read—”
She’s going to think I’m nuts if I start comparing Jed to a man I met just a few weeks ago, but when I put them side by side in my head, all I can think about is how much more I feel for Ben than I ever did for Jed. I like the way Ben doesn’t pretend to be an open book like Jed always did, while really keeping all his true feelings secret. Ben is the opposite. He’s private and zipped up and keeps it all in, but if you pay attention and gently nudge the closed doors open, it’s all there to see. He’s not pretending to be anyone he’s not.