Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 107660 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107660 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
The only good thing about the hours of questions was what came after.
Lucian and I scheduled the interviews for the end of the day, so when we finished, the office was empty, giving us the opportunity to play.
We’d fallen into a pattern, a pleasure that left me dreading the days he wasn’t there.
At first, he’d summon me. I’d roll my eyes and make him wait in an attempt to falsely gain the slightest upper hand.
However, the longer we continued, the more I sought him out beyond our usual schedule. I made excuses to stop by his office when I knew he’d be alone. Whenever the anxiety and pressures of work closed in, bringing me to the edge of my control, rather than reaching for meditation like I did before, I found myself reaching for him.
Which was all the reminder I needed to recall our first experience and remember why I held a piece of myself back, despite the aching desire that grew each time we were together. But I needed to retain a barrier after I struggled to separate myself from the cravings he ignited when I kneeled at his feet and the shift back to our animosity over work. I needed to keep at least a thin veil between us to avoid that stupidly naïve connection I’d almost fallen into.
I used the veil to cling to an ounce of control that kept me from completely losing myself in the luring abyss. I’d hated the shame that crept in and knocked the wind from my sails after Shiloh interrupted us. Since then, I gave myself to him—submitted to him—but retained enough awareness to remember that shame still lurked in my shadows.
Shame from being the girl who threw caution to the wind and lost herself so thoroughly before that she’d unintentionally let her boyfriend record them having sex. Shame from knowing so many guys at the school had seen her moan, scream, and let every inhibition go. Shame from them cornering her in the hallways and asking if she had any spicy cousins they could meet. Or worse, them asking if they could try out her wild side. Shame from being pinned to the floor by her boyfriend so he could give his friends a live show.
If I was aware of it, then it couldn’t catch me off guard and swallow me whole.
“Hey, Aspen,” Emily greeted behind me, ripping me from my thoughts.
The coffee pot clattered against my mug and the hot liquid splashed over the lip, burning my hand. “Ow. Shit. Fuck,” I hissed.
“Sorry about that.”
She walked up to the counter in the break room with an apologetic wince pulling her lips into a perfect pout.
“It’s okay.” I waved away her concern and passed the pot to her after wiping it off. “I was just lost in thought and didn’t hear you come in.”
“Happens to me all the time,” Emily said with a laugh.
I leaned against the counter and sipped my coffee. A yawning silence stretched between us as she mimicked my moves, and I scrambled for something to fill the void. The moment stretched on, and I couldn’t tell if the awkwardness closing around me was because of our encounter at the club, knowing she fucked Lucian, or because she had a reason to feel as uncomfortable as me.
“Are you up here, on the corporate floor, for a meeting today?” I finally asked.
It was an innocent question, but if I was being honest, my intentions weren’t. I’d always been the kind of woman to support others, but a petty part of me asked it as a dig toward Emily—a reminder of her position being under mine in the company. If I had to admit it, maybe—just maybe—I held some ill will toward Emily because of her past relationship with Lucian.
If it was even in the past.
The thought turned the coffee to ash on my tongue and brewed a firestorm of doubt, anger, and confusion low in my stomach. I rejected the thought, unable to process the idea that over the past few weeks, Lucian spent time with me, only to follow it up with time at the club—or his home, maybe even his office, or anywhere—with Emily.
With a deep breath, I pocketed that away, promising myself I’d come back to it later. I scoffed internally, knowing damn well I would push it aside like I had every other time it crossed my mind. Because how could I ask Lucian if he was fucking other women? He wasn’t even fucking me.
Three weeks and the man still focused on exploring the speed and intensity that he could make me come with his hands.
After our initial scene, I assumed we’d have sex more often than not. A part of me even held my breath when we played, waiting for the moment to crescendo into the wild abandon we’d found ourselves in that first time. Even though I knew I shouldn’t crave anything from him that much, my lips still tingled in anticipation of his sharp bites and decadent taste. But since then, his pants remained on with his mouth far from mine, and no indication of pushing for me.