Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 66833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66833 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“He’s…” I pause because I honestly don’t know what to tell her. “We’re temporarily separated,” I finally improvise.
“Ah.” She gives my stomach a sympathetic look. “I see.”
“It’s… complicated.”
“Uh-huh.” She meets my gaze. “I just got out of a ‘complicated’ relationship myself. The asshole cheated on me while my mom was in hospice. So if you want to talk or anything…”
“Thank you, but I should get going.” I get up—and nearly puke again as a wave of nauseating dizziness crashes into me.
Gasping, I sink back down and bend in half, tucking my head between my knees while sucking on the candy to stave off the black spots dotting my vision.
“Shit. Are you okay?” Birgit crouches next to me. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to a clinic or anything?”
“No, I’m…” I manage to lift my head. “I’m okay. Just nauseated again, that’s all.”
“You poor thing.” She pats my arm as I put my head back down again. “This right here is one of the many reasons I got my tubes tied at twenty-one. Pregnancy sucks, birth is a nightmare, and then you’re stuck with a selfish little demon who consumes scarce resources and adds to global warming. No shade on those who decide to procreate, of course,” she adds belatedly.
I laugh. I can’t help it. I laugh until tears run down my face, and I realize I’m actually crying. Because I want a selfish little demon. I want the pregnancy with all its aches and pains, and the nightmare of a birth, and the exhaustion of postpartum. I want to experience it all, and odds are that I won’t. Not with this baby, not with any other.
Even if I were to forego surgery and all the rest, I may not survive long enough to give birth. Not if the cancer is aggressive enough.
It’s damned if I do, fucked if I don’t.
“Oh, no. Don’t cry. I’m so, so sorry.” Birgit sounds like she’s going to cry herself as she pats my shaking shoulders. “I really didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay.” I sit up and rub at my wet face. “Seriously, it’s not your fault. I’m just a hormonal, emotional mess right now.”
“Right, right.” She sits back on her haunches, visibly relieved. “Do you want to come upstairs and rest for a bit? I share a room with two other girls, but they’re gone for the day, so it’s nice and private right now. You can crash in my bed and—”
“That is so kind of you, thank you. But I can’t.” I force myself to stand up and not sway despite another wave of dizziness. “I really do have to go.”
The longer I stay here, the more likely Alexei is to find me. If he’s looking, of course. But I’m going to assume that he is and act accordingly, which means leaving before he catches up to me.
“Go where?” Birgit asks, frowning as she rises to her feet as well. “You can barely stand. Unless… do you want me to call someone for you? Can anyone come get you? A friend? Some family, maybe?”
I shake my head, sucking on the candy for all I’m worth.
I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. The full implications of my predicament are just beginning to dawn on me. I can’t contact any of my friends or family without putting them in Alexei’s crosshairs, and without their help, I might as well return to Alexei right now. Even if he didn’t have unlimited resources with which to find me, I literally have nowhere to go. I have no money—or rather, I have lots of money but no obvious way to access it—and no documents. I can’t book a hotel, or take a cab, or cross the border. Or buy food, for that matter.
My stomach chooses that very moment to growl, as if to emphasize the seriousness of that last problem.
Birgit’s frown deepens. “Are you in some kind of trouble?” Her eyes widen, as if with sudden comprehension, and she lowers her voice. “Is it your husband?”
I try not to react. But I must flinch or otherwise give myself away because her expression turns grim and she nods, as if I’ve confirmed something.
“It’s not what you think,” I say quickly, but I can see it’s too late.
She thinks Alexei is a danger to me, which he’s not. Only to those around me.
For now, a tiny voice reminds me. Don’t forget your father.
I shut out that voice and focus on convincing Birgit. “It’s really not like that.”
“Then why are you out here all alone, with no phone or anything?” she asks, clearly not believing me. She runs her gaze over me. “You’re dressed like a million bucks, but you look like you’re on death’s door.”
There is a question in that statement, one I could ignore if I wanted. My predicament is none of her business. But she’s been so genuinely nice to me that I don’t want to ice her out. Or to lie to her any more than I have to.