Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 56278 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56278 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 281(@200wpm)___ 225(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
“I’d like to talk about this, Kayden,” I said patiently.
He glanced over at me. “Why? I know you well enough to give you a play-by-play of that discussion already. You think I’m too young, you think I can’t know what it is I want for myself, you’re worried about hurting me, we’re family, and I can’t possibly think straight when I’m in my Middle space.”
Well.
“For the record,” he continued, “I do feel vulnerable, but the cat’s out of the bag and I’m not going to run away for once. I’ve had a crush on you on and off for years, and nobody likes unrequited feelings. Also, this whole thing about Chris possibly being in danger is on my mind. But guess what, Wade? I can keep two thoughts in my head at the same time. Can you?” The look he gave me was full of challenge. “I already know you view me as the vulnerable Little slash baby brother who needs help and all that crap. But can you also keep in mind that I’m a grown man who, despite all the shit I’ve lived through, can take care of himself? And that while one side of me needs a Daddy and an awesome pillowcase collection, the other wants a Sadist to chase him down and rapefuck him into oblivion? I’m still the guy who enlisted in the Army, the idiot who got arrested for assault because some asshole punched me first, and the genius who’s currently putting you in your place.”
I blinked.
“I may have called myself stupid, lame, and a chickenshit over the years, but I’m not lost,” he said resolutely. “I know what I want. I always knew—I just kept failing in my attempts to get to where I wanted. Kinda like now.” The last part came out muttered as he polished off the rest of his plate. “I knew it was too good to be true to think you’d want me, but I’ll…” He swallowed and seemed to waver for a second, but then he shook his head and stood up. “I’ll live. And you let me down gently, as is obligatory for a big brother, so I’d rather just move on.” He carried his plate back to the kitchen. “I admit I’m kinda fucking mortified, but if I keep talking until I’m out of this cabin, I believe I can fake it till I make it.”
I followed his every movement, including the firm nod he gave himself, but the confidence in his eyes had faded, and I could tell he needed to get away for a while.
“Actually, I don’t have anything else to say, so please just keep your Doc mouth shut until I’m out,” he finished, ducking into the bedroom. Presumably to get dressed. “I’ll let the doggies out to play in the snow again. Don’t follow me!”
I faced forward again and scratched my forehead.
“I know what I want. I always knew.”
He’d spoken with such conviction that I was still processing. Had I even begun? It was a new side of Kayden. Or perhaps one I just hadn’t met often enough. And I could admit I’d needed the reminder, because everything he’d just said went against the image I had of him. He was right. I did view him as the Middle who couldn’t possibly know what he wanted in life.
I was an idiot, even though my intentions were good and my concerns came from a valid point of view.
“And that while one side of me needs a Daddy and an awesome pillowcase collection, the other wants a Sadist to chase him down and rapefuck him into oblivion? I’m still the guy who enlisted in the Army, the idiot who got arrested for assault because some asshole punched me first, and the genius who’s currently putting you in your place.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face as Kayden rummaged around in the bedroom, cursing to himself.
…the other wants a Sadist to chase him down and rapefuck him into oblivion…
I swallowed hard.
He wanted me to be that Sadist. That Dom and that Daddy.
Jesus fucking Christ.
He could actually become mine?
When he emerged from the room, I turned around and—
“Don’t even think about it,” he said, marching over to the door. He stuck his feet into his boots. “Also, I stole your phone. I wanna talk to Dad.”
I answered on autopilot, having no intention of keeping him from calling Quin. “He’s number two in the contact list.”
He paused in zipping up his parka and glanced over at me. “Who’s number one?”
“The junior operator we have on Yaya’s security detail,” I replied.
He narrowed his eyes. “Number three?”
What was he getting at?
“Chris,” I said.
He huffed. “Figures. And I’m number four…”
Cute.
“You’re not in there.” I refrained from shaking my head at him. After everything we’d been through, did he need further confirmation that he was special to me? “Neither is Yaya.”