Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 73010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
It’s one of the reasons I kept my name. Even if it was a pipe dream.
“I can’t just…” My breathing escalates. “Not unless you come with me.”
“No way I can run a bar in such an expensive town, not the way I want, and you know that. Besides, the ink on the sale has already dried. What would my parents say if I suddenly changed my mind?”
My shoulders slump even as the embers of a fire start burning inside me.
He tightens his hold on me as if I’m his anchor. But the words he utters next don’t match. “It’s time for you to live your dream. See if it’s everything you imagined.”
My stomach bottoms out. “What about you?”
“I’ll be right here whenever you come back—if you come back.”
“Of course I’ll come back!” I slam my mouth shut, unable to hold back my momentary enthusiasm.
He chuckles. “See? You want it bad, and that’s okay. I am not going to be the one to hold you back.”
“You haven’t. You’ve been amazing.” My eyes burn with unshed tears. “I don’t want—”
“I know, but it’ll be okay.” He squeezes my hand. “I grew up in Aqua Vista, my family lives here, and my parents just helped me buy a bar. You love theater, and the only other time I saw that spark in your eye was on your grandfather’s boat.”
My saliva turns to sawdust. “Yeah, and we know how that turned out.”
After social services placed me with my grandpa in Aqua Vista, he taught me how to fish. I loved sitting on the pier with my rod or going out on his boat in the early morning hours. But I ruined all that, along with his trust in me. The truth is, I think he’s glad I left to be with John after graduation. Same way my dad was glad to be rid of me. The only one who’s wanted me—truly wanted me—is John.
So how can I leave this place without him? I grip my stomach, feeling nauseous.
“You’re my husband. What will your family think?”
“Don’t worry what anybody says about shit.” If anything, his sister, June, would sympathize, but his brother, Jack, would give us shit. I love them both, his parents too, but I feel especially close to his mom. “Every relationship is different, and it’s nobody’s business what’s happening in ours.”
I swallow thickly. “It’ll be lonely without you.”
“I know, baby. But you have to go. It’s way worse watching you wither away.”
Suppose I never considered that made it painful for John too. “You sure you won’t come with me?”
“I wouldn’t be any happier there than you are here.” He sighs. “You’ll always wonder if you don’t try, and I can’t live with that.”
“I don’t think I can live with leaving you.”
“You’re not leaving. I’m asking you to go follow your dreams.”
Fear swells inside me. “You sure you’re not just trying to get rid of me?”
“Never.” He pulls me flush against him, and when I feel him tremble, I curse myself for hurting him by even considering the request. “I’m setting you free.”
It takes me another four months to finally make the decision to leave Aqua Vista under the guise of taking a class for a semester to gauge how it goes. I even find a room to rent in East Hollywood, and John helps me pay the first month’s rent.
We say our tearful goodbyes this morning before John leaves to open his bar. I’ve helped him get the Witching Hour up and running, and I’m sure it’ll be a success. Not only because John is a hard worker, but his charm and helpful disposition make him a magnet for people in this town. The McCoys have a place here, a history in this town, which is why I know John will never leave. But I do wish he’d begged me to stay. It’s stupid, I know, but he seems so sure of our plan. That we’ll somehow make it despite the distance. That we both need to follow our dreams, or we won’t be happy together.
I pace the length of the basement, reluctance and worry taking up residence inside me. Despite us having a long goodbye and speaking ad nauseam about our plan, there’s so much more I need to say.
I pull a notepad and pen from a drawer in the kitchen, thankful I won’t have any more awkward send-offs with his parents either. I sit and embrace the stillness of the empty house before I begin to write.
Dear John,
I can’t believe I’m writing this goodbye letter. I admit I’d hoped marrying you would magically squash that voice inside me and make all my problems go away.
I love you so fucking much. You are my person. You will always be my person. From the moment we met, I was sure of you.
So sure of you that I jumped at the chance to marry you, even on a whim. So sure of you that I desperately hope this is only a blip on the radar of our lives. That we’ll still be together once I figure out what the fuck I’m doing and become a better version of myself.