Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 73010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73010 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
“Yeah, suppose so.”
“And her meditation sessions in the park seem to draw a crowd.”
“Wait, that’s a thing?”
“Uh-huh. She uses instruments or, like, sounds to help you relax.”
I drift off because it reminds me of yoga on the beach near the Santa Monica Pier.
John says, “She was right about Aaron and Jack.”
My eyes swing to him. “What did she say?”
“That Aaron would be back in Aqua Vista.”
“Couldn’t that have happened regardless?”
“Definitely. So maybe she meant we’ll remain in each other’s lives in one form or another.”
I don’t love the idea of being only friends, but it seems the most likely path.
When John reaches for my hand over the console between us, my heart staggers. I wonder if that sensation will ever go away or if anyone will ever make me feel like he does.
We hold hands on and off the rest of the way to Aqua Vista, as if clinging desperately to our connection for as long as we can.
We’re both pretty tired once we make it back to town.
“How about a celebratory drink?” John asks as we near his bar.
“Sure. For…?”
He shrugs. “Finally filling out the papers. And your audition, of course.”
“Fair enough.” I untangle our fingers as he parks, and I instantly miss the warmth. “Maybe we can see this as a fresh new start.”
“Sounds good.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
It doesn’t feel right in my gut either. The guilt is still present, and the air is heavy with tension as we exit the car.
We just need to learn to live with it. This new normal.
Besides, once the house is sold, we’ll likely only catch up with each other online or through texts.
I inhale sharply through my nose. Fuck, I can’t imagine not having John in my life.
I thought something would magically be decided one way or another. I didn’t think I’d still be living in the gray so many years later, wondering what in the hell we’re doing.
Technically, not anymore. Before we know it, the divorce will be official.
Was this part of your plan too, Grandpa? To force us to finally accept our separation? I could see you doing it. You always did like to teach me a lesson.
And boy, am I learning that life is messy and uncertain, with a few moments in between when it’s not.
It’s undoubtedly not ambiguous now as I follow John inside, excited to just be with him one more hour in one more day. I’m sure of you.
“You’re back,” Ross says from behind the bar.
“Yep, how did it go?” John glances around.
“Fine. You should leave more often.”
“You ass!” He pulls out a barstool for me. “How about a couple of beers?”
We sip and talk and soak up having our thighs and arms brush every now and again. If I could bottle this feeling and take it back to LA with me, I would.
23
JOHN
A few days later, I stop by Grandpa Malone’s house, and the smell of fresh paint assaults my nostrils as soon as I enter. Everything in the foyer and living room seems brighter and brand-new. “This place is looking better already.”
“Right?” Aaron’s finishing up painting a window sash in the dining area. “It’s amazing what a little declutter and an update will do for a room.”
“Along with someone who knows what they’re doing.” The compliment makes Aaron smile. “Is Micah around?”
He motions toward the second floor. “Upstairs. Been there all morning.”
I climb the steps to his room, the space still so familiar.
We spent plenty of time here in high school when we were first getting to know one another and falling in love. When Micah was grounded or in trouble, which seemed like always, I would climb the trellis outside his window. He’d let me in, and we’d try hard to be quiet while we talked and touched and kissed until our mouths were swollen, but we could never get our fill. Grandpa Malone caught us a couple of times and eventually made the message clear that I was to use the front entrance.
I knock on his bedroom door, noting the worn, warped wood. The house is old, but I can see how Aaron would find it appealing. “Come in.”
I enter Micah’s room and find him sitting on the floor, a shoebox in front of him.
“What are you up to?”
His eyes brighten upon seeing me. “I found this in the closet.”
The lid is off, and inside is stuff from his childhood—trading cards, playbills, fishing lures—and even more memories begin to flood my brain. Tears streaming down Micah’s cheeks after the cheating incident, locking himself in his room, skipping school and watching endless hours of movies to numb his mind. Me holding him, urging him to return to classes before he flunked out.
“Someday, I’ll be in a movie.”
Micah loves action-adventure and sci-fi most of all.
“I don’t doubt it.” We’re side by side on the bed, arms touching, neither of us having the willpower to scoot away. It’s been happening more and more, us sitting or lying too close, as if a magnet is pulling us together.