Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69836 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69836 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 349(@200wpm)___ 279(@250wpm)___ 233(@300wpm)
I gobble down another sandwich to relax before I speak again. Last thing I want is for him to decide I’m too needy. “I’m sorry I’m coming on so strong. It’s been a while since I got to talk this much. I’ve been living out of my car and feeling kinda invisible. And it’s been even longer since I had a boyfriend, so sorry if I’m a bit feral.”
The silence following that last sentence is like a growing hollow inside my chest. Anxious, I look up and meet the single black eye in Cesar’s handsome face.
“Is that what we are?” he asks, each syllable smashing the hopes I’ve built up in my stupid head.
My stomach sinks and I can’t meet his gaze anymore. “I don’t know. Maybe? We could be. We’ll see. No need to put a label on it,” I fake a cheery tone when on the inside I want to scream into the void.
What the fuck was I thinking? Of course he declared things last night in the heat of the moment. Maybe he even meant them at the time. Why do I have to keep pushing like this? Just like with Sullivan. I couldn’t let go, and now the life I knew is over. Not that there’s much to cry about there, but I can’t go to prison. I wouldn’t last two weeks.
I can see how Cesar might like me, find me convenient in a non-cynical way, but why did I have to say boyfriend? Why would someone like him choose to tie himself to a ball and chain like me?
Cesar grins and reaches for the peanut butter before proceeding to gather a big spoonful, which he then shoves into his mouth. “Okay,” he mumbles.
I bite the inside of my cheek but keep my expression neutral. “I’m full. I’ll start cleaning the dishes if you don’t mind.”
Cesar shakes his head. “No way. You need to rest. I’ll do it.”
In truth, I only wanted to do it to escape the uncomfortable situation and not cry in front of him over something he’s allowed not to want. I know I’m an emotional wreck and he’s not responsible for my feelings. My own insane life choices have led me here.
I get up, grabbing a rice cracker. “Thank you. I’ll go check out the snow before the sun sets. There’s piles of it,” I fake a cheery voice, but it might crack soon, and I need to be out.
Cesar frowns and points toward the corner. “Be careful. It’s best if you don’t get off the porch with that injury. But there’s warm boots you can take by the door. We should trash your old pair.”
I nod, touched that he remembers the problem with my old shoes. I rush away to get dressed, put on the warm winter boots that fit my foot as if I’m Cinderella, and I step into the cold air, which doesn’t ease my frantic mind.
I know I’ll fall for him all too fast and then suffer inevitable heartbreak.
Fuck my life.
Chapter 9
Cesar
Pleasure shouldn’t come first, yet Eli’s words refuse to leave my head as I finish my meal. In my mind, I already have him on his knees, tonguing my cockhead, but he’s worked so hard to prepare this amazing meal. Cleaning up is the least I can do.
I ignore my hardening dick and rise, gathering all the dishes. Eli will soon be back, and when I take him up on the proposition that’s burning me from the inside as if I’ve swallowed a pint of embers, I want this place to be spotless for him.
It’s not even Friday, but Sullivan is gone, and my new sun wants me to lavish him with attention, so I will. That’s what he needs me for, apart from protection, and I want nothing more than to fulfill his wishes.
It’s strange how long he’s been out in the cold. The only thing still keeping me from going to check on him is the last cup I’m washing. He’s not from anywhere in the south, so I’m not sure why he seemed so excited about snow.
From the moment I took him under my wing, I’ve barely let him out of my sight. Even when he showered, I listened to the sounds of water, reassured that I know where he is. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. It’s a much more intense need for protection than it ever was with Sullivan. Like I’m growing anxious when he’s not around.
As soon as I put down the cup, I rush over to get my boots and a pair of sweatpants, because I can’t take this separation any longer.
The fresh scent of the forest hits me with so much intensity it’s distracting, and the darkening sky makes it harder to work out where Eli is, but I finally spot him. He didn’t stay on the porch, as I suggested.