Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 72233 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 361(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72233 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 361(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
Her image had become a reflection of others, a responsibility, and a detached part of herself. Who she pretended to be and how she carried herself in public was all that mattered. No one cared what was on the inside.
She’d been burying the unsavory parts of herself for so long, it was no wonder James had a hard time drawing them out. Since he’d freed her of her inhibitions, her old life no longer felt as natural as it once had because the person they molded her to be was not anywhere near the person she actually was inside.
As if trying to fit into clothes she’d long ago outgrown, coming home left her uncomfortable with her options and panicked to find other solutions. She was no longer that tame bird in a cage. She’d had a taste of freedom, enough to know she wanted more.
It took a whole week for her father to bear her presence without turning and walking away in disgust, but even then, he refused to meet her eyes. As suspected, rumors got out about her wild night in the Never Lands, and then came the judgmental stares and indiscreet whispers.
It took a lifetime for some to be welcomed by society, but one improper move and a girl could be canceled in a blink. Forever.
By the end of the month, Wendy had moved from a respectable daughter position into total pariah territory. Strangers avoided her. Acquaintances shunned her. Exaggerated stories deformed the truth so much that her excuses were irrelevant. No one cared about the truth. Only James.
The most infuriating thing, however, was how little this impacted Peter’s life. He wasn’t branded a jezebel or called a criminal. No one knew the horrible things he’d done. They had their sacrificial lamb, and that was all they needed, apparently. And slaughter her reputation they did.
When school was back in session, she held no excitement for her new classes. After the first week of the semester, she decided not to return.
“Wendy, you can’t simply give up,” her mother cajoled, but there was no plucky, can-do attitude that would change her mind.
“I’ve made my decision.”
“You’re being hasty.”
“I’m not. I know what I want and what I don’t want.”
University was not an experience she needed to have in order to feel like her life held value. Nor was a hymen or a husband, for that matter.
“This stubborn side of yours is not going to win people over.”
“I don’t care about winning people over, Mother.” She was learning to trust her instincts. “Why does every choice I make have to impact others?”
“Because it does.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“As long as you’re in this family under this roof, it does.” Her mother left in another frustrated huff.
It seemed much easier to free a bird from its cage than cajole it back inside. Her parents were growing tired of her combative attitude. But she couldn’t return to being the miserable, agreeable girl she once was. Not at the expense of her happiness.
Wendy knew she was more than the sum of other people’s opinions and was only interested in discovering her true self now that she’d freed her shadow. In her free time, she cleaned the nursery, throwing away old keepsakes that no longer held meaning and making space for whatever her future might be.
Ultimately, all that remained were her favorite clothes, a few pieces of jewelry, and James’ coat, which she refused to burn. Sometimes, late at night, she’d put the coat on over her nightgown and stare out her window at the moon, wondering if—wherever James was—he could also see the stars.
Her worry never relented when she thought of him. She imagined him healed because the alternative was too horrible to bear.
There would have been no saving his hand—a severe loss that would have frustrated him to no end but not impacted his authority. James’s influence over others came from within. He wore his confidence like armor, and he would not allow such a loss to hinder his hard-earned pride.
But who was taking care of him in private? His conceit was an obstacle that would impede others from seeing to his needs.
She only hoped men like Gideon Starr loved their fierce captain enough to see past the gripes and growls. James would be profoundly hurt after his brother’s wretched betrayal and a beast to deal with for a very long time.
Late one night, when she couldn’t sleep, she wandered the nursery, fluttering anxiously like a wild bird in a cage. The longer she paced from wall to wall, the more restless she became.
James believed it was a choice to be caged, and cages came in many forms.
With nowhere to go, she tried to free the buzzing energy inside her in other ways. Her fingers trailed over her chest, mimicking the entitled way he’d touched her. She ached to feel his hands on her again, to go to that place where only James could take her, the place where her inhibitions died, and pleasure was king.