Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 101662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 508(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101662 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 508(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
She almost smiled but it fell short. “Good night.”
***
After Kierra left, I didn’t sleep.
I stayed up all night trying to make sense of the life that I’d forgotten and how much it influenced the life I now lived. How would things have been different if I knew about Elijah? What choices would I have made?
How could I look at my mother the same after this, too? It was all too much.
The next day at work, I was still lost in a whirlwind of confusion. As I walked into the hallway, I saw my mom coming my way. She was the last person I wanted to see. The moment I saw her, I felt sick to my stomach.
She raised an eyebrow. “Gabriel, what’s going on? You look—”
“Did I have a brother?”
The color drained from her face as she froze in place. Her mouth parted but no words came out. I knew the answer before she told me, but I needed to see how she’d respond once I brought it to her face-to-face.
I nodded once. “Yeah, all right.”
“Gabriel…” She reached toward me, but I pulled my arm away.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. Just…” I released a weighted sigh. “Don’t.”
23
Kierra
Gabriel: Hey. Can we meet up to talk?
The moment Gabriel’s name appeared on my phone screen, I sat up straighter in my chair at the dining room table. I hadn’t heard from him in two weeks, since I’d told him everything about the accident. I didn’t think he’d reach out again, if I being honest.
I couldn’t blame him if he kept his distance.
Kierra: Of course. When and where?
Gabriel: Eight tonight at my place.
Kierra: See you soon.
***
I was nervous the whole time I drove over to his house, and when I showed up, he asked me if I wanted to sketch with him on the back patio. I agreed, and we walked around to where he had his sketchbooks set up.
We didn’t talk for a while. I wanted to give him the opportunity to speak when he was ready. Yet I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t holding my breath the whole time as I waited.
“What would’ve happened if you hadn’t left?” Gabriel asked after a while.
“What do you mean?”
“After it happened with Elijah…after the accident. After my mom pushed you away and I struggled to find myself. What do you think would’ve happened if you had stayed?”
My chest ached from the thought. I’d played that what-if game repeatedly for many, many years. I’d crafted images in my mind of what life could’ve looked like for us both. I visualized different scenarios. Ones where we baked fresh bread on Sunday mornings, and he attended my fashion shows on Friday nights. Ones where we laughed at stupid jokes over coffee and lay on the couch watching bad films. Ones where our kisses never stopped. Ones where forgiveness was possible. Ones where guilt no longer lived.
“We would’ve been happy,” I whispered. “Maybe not at first, but we would’ve found a way to be happy again.”
“I would’ve loved you through the dark days.”
I released a nervous chuckle because I knew that was true. Maybe that was why I left. I didn’t think I deserved the kind of love Gabriel would’ve given me. “I know,” I nodded. “You would’ve.”
“And you would’ve loved me through harsh nights.”
“Fully.”
He looked down at his hands sitting in his lap. He fiddled with his nails and shrugged. “I’m glad that didn’t happen.”
His words threw me off slightly and stung my heart. “You are?”
“I mean, sure. We would’ve had more years to love each other, we would’ve had more memories, but I’m glad you didn’t come back. I think we needed to be apart to really appreciate this now. Besides…you wouldn’t have Ava if we’d stayed together back then. What a crime that would’ve been.”
“She saved me,” I confessed. “I don’t think I would’ve made it through life without you if it wasn’t for her.”
“She was your foundation.”
I raised an eyebrow, wanting him to expand on that thought.
His smile slipped out. “The solid ground that you needed to begin again. Before her, things probably felt rocky and unstable. Ava’s your solid ground. She’s not your house; she’s your home.”
“Home,” I softly sang. “Yes. She’s home to me.” I shook my head, still feeling guilty. “I just feel as if it’s so unfair to you, though. You’ve missed out on so much. On your memories, on Elijah. And I still feel so awful, Gabriel, for not telling you.”
“Kierra,” he whispered, “stop.”
“I can’t. I am so sorry for everything I’ve done, Gabriel. I am so sorry for—”
“It wasn’t your fault,” he said. “And I forgive you.”
I looked up at him, shaking my head. “How can you forgive me for that, though?”
“Because I’m almost certain you’ve spent the last decade or two beating yourself up over the accident. You don’t have to carry that anymore, Kierra. I forgive you. Now it’s up to you to forgive yourself.”