Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 79564 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79564 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Silence between us.
“Raped?” I say, because I can see he can’t bring himself to finish the question. I shake my head. “Not my body, but sometimes it feels like my soul was.”
I can see the fight drain out of him, replaced with a deep well of empathy. A flame of fury on my behalf starts to brew in eyes that look just like mine. “What happened?” he asks quietly, but man… so very deadly. Like he could murder someone right now.
“Doesn’t matter. It’s done.”
“It does matter because it just cost you a guy I’m pretty sure would cherish you the rest of your life,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face in frustration. “Surely you know that, right?”
God, do I know that? In the bright light of day, away from the beers last night and the voices laughing at me, it seems perhaps I overreacted. I know for sure that North isn’t the type who would intentionally hurt me—am I going to throw something away because I got unintentionally hurt?
When I don’t say anything, Rafferty sighs. “Look, North will listen to your fears. If you’re honest with him, he’ll forgive your brattiness.”
“Yeah, I know. Because he’s a good guy. I get it. But it doesn’t take away this…” I tap where my heart sits. “This anxiety that’s deep inside me. Nor the fact that apparently I get triggered.”
“Then again, I am begging you, tell me what happened. Let it out. Release it so it doesn’t eat you alive. Hell, I’ll get you into a therapist this afternoon, but whatever it is, it’s time to address it.”
I stare into my coffee cup, realizing the precipice upon which I stand could change my life.
“It’s time to stop running, Farren,” Rafferty whispers. For some reason, that breaks something loose.
Nodding, I take a breath and lift my head to meet his eyes. “Do you remember when I went to that dance in grade 10?”
“Vaguely,” he says, crossing his arms on the table. “I remember you were excited about it.”
The smile that plays on my lips feels brittle. “That was your first year in the league… with the Grizzlies. I called you about it when I got invited.”
“By an older kid, right?”
I nod. “Liam Mattelle. He was in grade 12.”
“Still can’t believe Dad let you go to that dance with someone that much older,” Rafferty says disapprovingly.
“You were gone, out on your own, and before that, you were in the juniors. You missed me growing up and probably don’t remember, but I wasn’t exactly the belle of the ball.”
Rafferty’s eyebrows draw inward. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means I had a real ugly-duckling phase in school,” I drawl.
“Like, you mean you were ugly? No, you weren’t.”
“Maybe you don’t think it’s a big deal to suffer acne, braces and no boobs at that age, but guys weren’t knocking down the door for me.”
I can see that Rafferty is having a hard time reconciling this, but he’s only looking at present-day Farren. I grew up in all the right ways and he can’t remember the painfully awkward kid I was. “Plus, I was a big old smart nerd. I wasn’t popular at all,” I add. “So yeah… when Liam showed interest in me, it was a big deal.”
“Why do I get the feeling that when you’re done with this story, I’m going to want to beat the shit out of Liam Mattelle?”
“He’d deserve it,” I murmur, playing with the edge of my cup. I fall back into my memories, trying to set the stage for Rafferty so he understands what’s been driving me for years now. “For almost two weeks, he would walk me to my classes. We held hands. He sat at my lunch table with my nerdy friends. He really listened to me. We’d have long text conversations at night. By the time the dance rolled around, I’d fallen in love with him.”
“That’s usually the way those first young relationships happen,” Rafferty says. “I lost my heart to Sarah Grambling when I was fifteen.”
I can’t help but smile at the image because I’ve never seen Rafferty serious about anyone other than Tempe. “I remember how good it felt to walk into that dance on his arm. Even though I wasn’t, I felt like the prettiest girl in the world.”
“I’m sure you were,” Rafferty says, reaching out and taking my hand for a quick squeeze.
“You’re my brother. You’re supposed to say stuff like that.” I close my eyes, remember that first spin around the dance floor with him, looking around at all the other kids, watching us.
Watching me with him and wondering how I got so lucky.
“I’m dying to kiss you,” Liam said, his lips near my ear. “I’ve been waiting for two weeks and I don’t want to wait any longer.”
I almost swooned over his proclamation. I felt the same way, and so I tipped my face up to his and parted my lips. I prayed his lips wouldn’t get cut by my braces, but I knew in my heart… when it was done, it would be the best kiss of my life.