Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 55458 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 277(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55458 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 277(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
She nodded. “I get why you’re telling yourself that ridiculous lie, but you need to get real, Suzie. A man doesn’t write deep and soulful lyrics like that for a friend or a bang buddy, they just don’t. He loves you, and you need to decide what you’re going to do about it before you lose him. Is that what you want?”
I shook my head. “No, but it’s inevitable. I can’t let myself believe that he feels for me what I feel for him. It’s madness. I can’t afford to be mad, not with a baby on the way.”
“Honey, that’s when we are allowed to be the most mad. Hormones and growing a human are the perfect excuses to go a little bit crazy. Put yourself out there. Lay your heart bare and let that gorgeous man pick it up and claim it as his.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“He will.” She sounded so sure, but I wasn’t nearly as confident.
Gavin liked me, cared for me, and was even attracted to me, as difficult as that was to believe at times. But love? I couldn’t bring myself to believe that. “You don’t know that.”
“Neither do you. But you have a baby on the way, and that tends to make us braver than we otherwise would be. Don’t you want to tell your baby you gave it your all when it came to love? Or that you ran and hid, pass on that fear gene to the next generation?”
It was a compelling argument, and I spent the rest of the evening thinking about Persy’s words. About Gavin’s words.
About the words I so desperately wanted to say to him but couldn’t.
I sent a text with other words, words I knew without a doubt that he wanted to hear. “The album is wonderful. Amazing, possibly your best to date. My favorites are “The Girl with the Glasses” and “Better for You.” Gavin, you are a better lyricist than you give yourself credit for.”
He didn’t answer and after a while, I fell asleep to the sound of the man I loved and pretended that he loved me, too.
Gavin
“You’ve got the number-one album in the country, hell, the whole damn North American continent, but you’re sitting in a dark room with a scowl on your face. Why?”
Alex stood in the doorway, backlit by the fluorescent lights of the television studio where I would perform, with a scowl on his face. A pissed-off vibe radiated from his shoulders.
I shrugged. “I’m in a room by myself, why the hell should I be smiling?”
Suzie had kept her word, but only in the strictest definition of keeping in touch. The last time I’d heard from her, more than a week ago, it was a glowing review of the advanced copy of the album I’d sent to her. Coming from a super fan, it was exactly what I wanted and needed to hear ahead of the release.
Coming from the woman I loved, it was a slap in the face. A clear and present indicator that she did not feel the same.
“Maybe because you didn’t even think you’d be here, doing sound check on your number-one album again. Remember not too long ago when you weren’t sure you’d ever sing again? I’d say this,” Alex motioned around the dressing room, “is a big damn deal.”
He was right. It was a big deal, but I didn’t care about any of it, not the number-one album, not the line that wound around the New York city block just to see me, not the Rolex the label president had sent. None of it mattered without Suzie. “I’ll smile when I’m in front of the cameras and the fans, all right?”
Alex sighed, well over my sullen attitude. “No girl is worth all this, Gavin.”
I glared up at him, hands balled into fists as I imagined myself punching out my agent. “She’s a woman, and if you’d ever had a real one, you would know the damn difference.”
“Fine.” He held up his hands, equal parts annoyed and defensive. “Don’t you think Suzie would want you to be proud of this achievement? Wouldn’t she want you to savor this moment, or is she one of those selfish women who wants to be the only thing you enjoy?”
“Of course, she’s happy for me. She said this was my best album so far, and she thinks I’m a better lyricist than I give myself credit for.” I said the words proudly because they meant a lot to me.
Alex blinked his surprise. “Really?”
I nodded.
“Smart woman.”
His words teased a laugh out of me, almost making me forget that I hadn’t heard from Suzie in too long. “She’s more than smart.”
Alex sighed, knowing when he was beat. “All right. How about I record a song from sound check and send it to her? Will that put a smile on your face?”