Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 129027 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129027 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
And just like my mother, I choose men to love who can never love me back.
So, really, I’m choosing to stay alone forever. Just like the untouched baby in the cradle always was.
“All right, my sexy little gamblers,” says Caleb, the club’s owner, as he walks to the center of the room in a full tux, including a vest coat, cummerbund, bowtie, and top hat. “Welcome! We’re playing Texas Hold ’Em. Best of all, there are no losers tonight! Under your chair, you’ll find a discrete bag for discarded clothing. Anything left on the floor at the end of the night will be available in the lost and found. Let the games begin!”
I tug the beret down on my head as a dealer sits at the head of the table with a fresh deck of cards and begins to deal.
But I’m here, aren’t I, being vulnerable and making friends? Real friends? I believe what I tell my students. I believe conditioning and old patterns can be broken.
New neural pathways can be paved. There’s still hope for Moira if she asks for help one day, and there’s hope for me.
I can still change from who I have been into who I might become.
TWENTY-NINE
ISAAK
“So that’s it?” I ask Marcus after our twenty-minute recap session in the office. He’s sitting in Caleb’s leather chair with his legs up on the desk and a Dr. Pepper in hand. I’m in the chair in front of him. “Just drop her down the levels every ten minutes?”
“Yup. Every ten minutes or so. You don’t have to be on a timer or anything. You’ll get to know your sub and see when they’re ready to go to the next level. Just be careful to watch how she’s doing, especially as you get deeper. She might lose the ability to verbalize her safeword. That’s why you should only go there with a sub you’ve really established trust with. It’s not shit to play around with. And don’t forget to praise her while she’s deep in it. Anything you say to a sub in that state can land extra deep, so be careful of every word. It’s not the time for humiliation play, for example.”
I nod but frown. “Will you be there the first time we do it? I can’t chance missing anything.”
Marcus nods. “It’s the only way we learn. We got you. Now, do I get to meet this mysterious woman?”
I stand up, muttering as I go, “It’s my new client.”
Marcus all but spits out the sip of Dr. Pepper he just took. “Did you say your new client? The woman you’re working security for? Holy shit.”
I glare back at him. “It just happened, okay? And she’s hung around the club enough to want to try some things.”
“Lemme guess. You don’t trust anyone else to take her there?”
I nod, hating that I’m so painfully transparent.
“How’s the sex?”
“I didn’t say we were having sex,” I bite out.
“But you are. How is it? C’mon man. Lemme live vicariously through you.”
“Please. You fuck subs here all the time.”
He shrugs. “It’s not the same. I know I’m a manwhore right now. But I miss going home to the same woman every night.” Then he grimaces. “Too bad the last woman I tried that with turned out to be a raving, psychotic bitch.”
Marcus isn’t one of those guys who calls every ex a crazy bitch. His ex just actually is a crazy bitch. Even the courts agreed after some of the shit she pulled and gave Marcus full custody of their daughter.
I breathe out hard. “The sex is good. Amazing actually. She’s… not like other women.”
I look up to find Marcus grinning at me. “So she’s special, is what you’re saying? Damn, man, never thought I’d see the day when a woman finally turned your head. Congrats.” He slaps me on the back as he comes around the desk. “No one deserves it more than you.”
I shake him off. “It’s not like that.” I explain the situation and how she’s getting married soon. “I’m her last hurrah before she’s shackled. Like an extended bachelorette party. So I wanna make it count.”
“Okaaaay,” Marcus says, drawing out the word, now perched on the desk’s edge. “Is that what you want?”
I look at him blankly like I don’t know what he means and shrug. “No-strings-attached pussy. What’s the problem? It’s my M.O.”
“Sure, buddy,” he says with a roll of his eyes. “If you say so.”
I do fuckin’ say so. Nothing’s changed. Yeah, I’ve been breaking my own rules by even fucking her, but it can never be anything more than that. Obviously. For a thousand reasons. My business. The fact that I don’t do long-term. Her father. The fact that she’s not looking for it. Not to mention she’s a princess and I’m from the wrong side of I-35. I shake my head for even being dumb enough to start listing out all the reasons.