Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
I’m excited to see Ava.
“Daddy.” Ella tugs on my free hand. “I don’t see Junie yet. How will she play soccer with me if she’s not here?”
“She’ll be here. We have to be patient.”
Ella pouts. “Waiting is hard.”
“I know. But we can do hard things, right?”
Ella sighs. “Maybe.” Then she takes off toward the little climbing wall that leads up to one of the smaller slides.
My smile settles in the pit of my stomach. I’m so fucking proud of my baby. Proud of us. Because turns out that teaching your kid how to talk about her feelings is a great way to get you talking about yours too. Or at least thinking about talking about them.
I’ve thought a lot about the feelings I have for Ava.
Out of all the people I was expecting to see at the barn raising, she was not one of them. I was surprised.
I was turned on.
Am. I am turned on whenever an image of her pops into my head. Which is often.
All the time. I think about the woman all the damn time. Which is terrifying. And awesome.
I don’t know what my next move should be. I still have no idea what I want when it comes to Ava. Sex is a given. But the way I’ve thought about her nonstop—maybe I really do want more than a hookup?
My stomach bottoms out at the idea of wholeheartedly pursuing Ava. I clearly haven’t had great experiences dating. I’ve chalked that up to not being with the right person. What if I just suck at it, though?
What if I get invested, but Ava isn’t feeling it? What if Ella gets invested, and Ava and I have some kind of horrible, messy breakup? The kid’s already been through so much with her mom being gone and her dad being pulled in a thousand different directions.
I’ve been through so much. Heartbreak over losing my parents. Heartbreak over the fact that Lizzie and I never panned out.
That shit crushed me. I’m worried if I get crushed again, Ella will end up as collateral damage. I’ve worked hard to create our happy little life. Could things be better? Absolutely.
Is it worth risking our hard-won peace? I don’t know.
“Mr. Sawyer!”
I glance over my shoulder. I’m smiling all over again at the sight of the little girl in braids and cowboy boots making a beeline for me. She’s holding up a hand, which is covered in Band-Aids.
Lots and lots of colorful Band-Aids.
“Look!” She waves her hand. “I got new ones! They’re Bluey. I love them!”
“Well hey there, Junie! Lemme see what you got.” I hold out my hand, palm up, and she places her little hand in mine. I let out a long, low whistle. “Dang, girl. That’s impressive.”
“Thanks. Mommy said I could only have one, but I took more than that.”
“You took the whole box, you little sneak!”
I look up at the familiar voice. A weird trick of gravity that has me suddenly laboring for breath. Since when are my lungs not compatible with oxygen?
Ava strides toward me, her long, loose hair blowing back from her face as she walks. She’s wearing aviators, a smile, and a pink jacket that looks so fucking pretty on her.
She is so fucking pretty.
“Hey!” She nods at the ball I’m holding. “I’m so glad you brought that. Junie was in one of those little soccer leagues over the summer—”
“Soccer Start.” I bite my tongue to keep from swallowing it. “Ella did it in the fall.”
Ava lowers her voice. “It’s hilarious, isn’t it? The way they have more interest in the dandelions growing on the field than the ball? You couldn’t pay Junie to listen to her coach. She just sat there and picked flowers, happy as a clam not to participate.”
“I would have to drag Ella to practice. It wasn’t fun for anyone.”
“To be fair, soccer is pretty boring.”
“Right?” I need to stop staring. Can’t. My chest burns. Somewhere in the background, I hear our girls happily shrieking. “Which is why I brought the ball. Wanted to bore y’all a little bit. Keep your expectations in check so you don’t fall too hard for Hartsville. We can’t have a barn raising with a live band and cold beer every day of the week.”
Ava’s smiling, showing a flash of white, even teeth. She digs in her bag and pulls out a plastic tub. “Good thing I brought sidewalk chalk, then.”
“Please tell me you have cold beer in that bag too.”
She laughs. “No dice. I wasn’t sure what the open container laws are here.”
“Next time.” I don’t know how I manage to say the words with my heart lodged inside my mouth. It’s forward of me to assume there will be a next time.
I’m showing her my cards. Well. A card. One that screams you make me forget myself.