Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
I remind myself that the fantasy isn’t real. Ava isn’t mine to protect. Ella and June are just friends.
Ava and I are just friends.
But it’s funny how accepting that truth requires so much pretending on my part. Because pretending not to want this woman—it’s a Herculean task.
I’m nothing if not a hard worker, though. I can do it.
I will do it. If only to protect the one girl who is mine.
A couple of hours later, Ella conks out, hard, on the drive home. I tell myself I’m proud I didn’t ask Ava for her number. Surely we’ll run into her and Junie again at some point, right?
But it’s regret that keeps me up way past my bedtime later that night.
CHAPTER 15
Ava
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
We’re not even in the preschool parking lot yet, but I’m already about to burst into tears.
Ignoring the knot of emotion in my chest, I attempt to sing along to “Happy Birthday.” It’s Junie’s current favorite song, probably because we sang it to my mom last week for her sixtieth birthday.
“No, Mommy, you got it wrong!” She meets my eyes in the rearview mirror. “We’re singing to me, not to Mimi.”
“Oh. Right. I’m sorry, honey. You know your birthday isn’t for a while yet, right?”
My daughter smiles at me. “Mimi said I can celebrate all the days. Even Saturdays.”
I blink, tears welling in my eyes. This morning was yet again a disaster getting June out the door. She wants to do everything herself, which means making breakfast, getting dressed, and packing her lunch took a small eternity. Then there was the fiasco about her wanting to wear her sparkly rain boots instead of her sneakers, which resulted in an epic meltdown that lasted twenty minutes. Then she randomly decided it was time to beg me to let her play with sidewalk chalk. She’s been obsessed with the stuff ever since our playdate with Ella.
In short, my daughter, like all three-year-olds, can be difficult as hell.
Right now, though, she’s so fucking cute that I feel like my heart is about to burst right out of my chest.
When did she get so big? It’s so true what they say about the days being long, but the years being short. I can’t believe it’s time for my baby to go to school.
“I like that idea.” I hit my blinker and guide my Subaru into the preschool parking lot. It’s already busy, minivans and SUVs crowding the lot. Moms and Dads walk hand in hand with their kids toward the adorable farmhouse-turned-preschool, which sits beneath a pair of enormous oak trees.
My stomach flips. I think I’m even more nervous for Junie’s first day of school than I was for my own.
But June? She literally lets out a squeal of delight. “Mommy, is this my school?”
“It sure is.” I park and turn off the car. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I give my eyes a discreet wipe before putting on my sunglasses. “Isn’t it so cute? And look at all those kids! Junie, you’re going to have so much fun.”
She wiggles her little legs. “Can you unbuckle me, Mommy?”
“Let’s call Daddy really quick, okay? He wanted to talk to you before you go in.”
Junie pouts. “But I don’t want to talk to Daddy. I want to go to school.”
My chest clenches. I’d rather pry out my eyeballs than talk to Dan right now, but I feel guilty he’s not here for this.
Then again, that’s kind of his fault. He said he had to work this morning—that’s always his excuse—so he couldn’t make the hour-long drive to Hartsville. Of course he was all annoyed that I couldn’t push Junie’s first day to a date that was more convenient for him, but I’ve learned to stick to my guns.
Junie comes first. Always. I tried for years to accommodate Dan, bending over backward to keep him happy. Or, at the very least, keep him from being angry or grumpy. I always had dinner ready and June occupied when he got home from work so he could relax. I’d take her out of the house on the weekends so he could nap or watch football. I maintained solid relationships with both our families, and made sure we split holidays evenly so no one’s feelings got hurt. I planned every birthday party. Took June to every appointment and gave her a bath every night, all in the hope that Dan would never feel overwhelmed or resentful.
I did everything to the point that I was the one who ended up drowning in resentment. And yet no matter how hard I tried—how often I sacrificed my well-being, or my daughter’s—Dan was still a dark cloud hanging over our lives. There’s no pleasing the man.
Which is why, when I got the email about a spot opening up for Junie in the threes class, I immediately took it, even though I knew Dan would give me a hard time about “not involving” him more in the timing—despite the fact that he agreed Junie needed to be in school.