Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
“See?” I sip my wine. “You let yourself have fun. You’re able to just do that, no angst.”
“Oh, there was angst. I mean, it cost me my marriage.”
My heart dips. From what she told me earlier, I had a feeling her ex was a big part of why she felt the need to bury her wild side. “I’m sorry.”
Ava glances at the fire and lets out a long, low breath.
“It’s a long story. I understand if you’re not up for it.” She glances at me.
I choose my words carefully. “I’ve wanted to know yours since the night we met. I’m ready.”
Her expression softens. “Why are you so good?”
“Because you’re teaching me how to have fun, which makes me happy, which in turn makes me an excellent listener. Talk.”
She smiles, reaching over to give me a gentle push. “I don’t exactly follow that line of reasoning—”
“Well, yeah.” I’m smiling like an idiot, and I don’t care. “Being around you kind of scrambles my brain sometimes.”
“Didn’t know I had that kind of power.”
“Oh, pretty girl, you absolutely do know that.”
Her eyes get this funny look in them. She doesn’t need to ask me if I’m one-hundred percent sure I want to hear her story. She knows I do.
That simple, silent exchange—the intimacy of it—has me short of breath.
“Okay. Where to begin?” Sipping her wine, she sets it down on the ground just off the blanket. Then she pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around her legs, shaking her hair out of her face. “Dan and I—we were young when we met in high school, and we were young when we got married at twenty-two. I look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking.” Scoffing, she looks down at her legs. “I was so eager to play house, you know? I’d been working my ass off training during the day to stay on the circuit and then going to school at night, and I think I was burned out and looking for a place to land. Looking for an excuse to slow down.”
My heart thumps inside my chest. I don’t love hearing her say another man’s name. But I do love how insightful she is. Like me, it’s obvious she’s turned this particular stone over and over in her mind until its edges have been worn smooth.
“I get that,” I say. “College wasn’t in the cards for me, so I worked my ass off too. A lot of life happens between high school graduation at eighteen and turning twenty-two. I think you start to realize at that point just how tough adulting is. The monotony of it. Thinking, Shit, I can’t do this for another twenty, thirty, forty years. I don’t know if I can do it for another two.”
“Bingo.” She points a finger at me. “I loved racing, but I was struggling to break out. I was on the road a lot, and I missed so much at home. I have no idea how I got a degree, because I never went to class. I didn’t love my major, either, which definitely didn’t help. I mean, what was I supposed to do with a bachelor’s in business? Getting married, setting down roots—it seemed like the answer to all my problems. Dan and I dated all through high school, and everyone always assumed we’d get married. So that’s what we did. Yeah, he didn’t love the fact that I was a bit of a wild card sometimes, but I loved him so much that I was willing to try to be a little less ‘spirited,’ as he called me. A little more … I don’t know, good. Proper, the way a wife should be. A couple of years later, I got pregnant with June. We both wanted kids, so we were excited.” Her eyes get wet, and she looks away. “Really, really excited.”
I reach over and put a hand on her knee. I don’t say anything. Don’t think I need to. Ava knows I’m here, I’m listening.
“Things were ‘fine’ ”—here she uses air quotes—“before June was born. I did everything, but I thought that was normal. That’s what my mom did, you know? And I wanted so badly to be good to Dan. So I did all the cleaning and cooked all the meals and made sure all the bills were paid. I organized all our date nights. Managed all the relationships with our families. It annoyed me, but Dan worked a lot, so I kind of let it slide. Never mind the fact that I was working too while also going to school at night. Then I got pregnant, and I started to really notice just how skewed our marriage was in terms of workload. I distinctly remember being eight months pregnant and putting together June’s crib all by myself.”