Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
An hour later, I go and retrieve my phone and glasses to check my emails and return to my spot on the balcony. I stare at my phone for a good thirty minutes. Should I ring him? I know I shouldn’t, but what do I do? Am I really going to put myself through this? I would rather he reject me than this waiting around crap, it’s killing me. I want to hear him say the words. I need to hear him tell me he doesn’t want me. My eyes fill with tears as I even contemplate hearing those painful words. Only then can I move on. Only then will I be able to start to heal. I can’t go on like this…I text:
Why don’t you ring me?
I suddenly start to freak out, what am I doing? My phone immediately beeps a text.
You know why.
I text back.
Don’t you want to hear my voice?
I instantly regret sounding so needy, but I need answers. My phone beeps again:
More than anything!!!
I sit up. What? He wants to hear my voice more than anything…. With exclamation marks. For the first time in four days I find myself smiling at my phone. I text back:
I need another night, baby. I can’t do this.
Shit, have I gone too far? That’s definitely needy. I screw my face up. Oh shit, who cares, I am frigging needy. My phone beeps again:
I can’t change my DNA, Natasha.
My heart sinks. It is the cousin thing. That’s something I can’t change either, no matter how hard I try. My eyes fill with tears. I text back:
You are thinking too much.
I wait for his reply, but he doesn’t answer. Fifteen minutes go by and still no answer. I start to pace while ringing my hands. Forty-five minutes later, still nothing. With a heavy heart I text him one last time:
I put a key to my apartment on your key ring.
Please use it.
xxxxx
An hour and a half and a second desperately hot shower later, I fall into bed. That’s it, I tried. He can’t let the cousin thing go and I can’t change the circumstances. I give up. It’s an exhausting situation, one that I can’t change. I am just drifting into sleep when I hear the key go into my door.
Shit, he came.
12
Natasha
I jump up and then I jump back onto the bed. Oh, crap, should I pretend to be asleep? I jump up again, no, asleep. I lie back down. I flick my lamp on and I hear him put his keys onto my foyer table and walk toward my bedroom. My heart is in my throat. It is then I feel the intensity of his presence. His body is radiating heat like kryptonite, my body instantly weakening to its strength and softening under his gaze. I roll over and we stare at each other in silence, tension hanging thick in the air. I hold my hand up to him and he takes it and sits next to me on my bed in silence.
“Stop thinking so much, baby,” I whisper.
“No,” he answers. “You are not thinking enough, Presh. This is wrong, Natasha. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Josh, if it’s so wrong, why does it feel so right?” I kiss the back of his hand. He closes his eyes at the contact. “Why did you leave the other night without saying goodbye, Josh?”
He drops his head. “I had a 5:30 a.m. flight to Melbourne, and my brothers are here, remember.” I smile a sad smile and nod. That’s right, I had forgotten that.
I pull back the covers. “Come and lie with me.”
His eyes scan my body, and he smiles a crooked smile. “I thought I told you to throw out the flannel pajamas.”
I smirk back. “They’re snuggly. I have a good mind to buy you some so we could be matching.” He smiles and lies down next to me fully dressed.
“Are you wearing jeans to bed?” I ask.
“No, I’m not staying,” he answers.
My heart drops. “Why aren’t you staying, Josh?”
“Tash, sshh, stop it. I’m here because you asked me to come. I don’t want to fight.” I nod as I cuddle him and start to run my fingers through his hair. He relaxes into my arms. I feel him gently kiss my neck as he leans into me.
“Can you stay with me tonight? No sex,” I whisper.
“No sex,” he repeats.
I shake my head. “Josh, I don’t want to be with you just for sex…even though the sex is awesome.”
“Awesome.” He smiles as he raises his eyebrows. “What do you want to be with me for, Tash?”
I stay silent as I try to think of the right answer. I know the answer to this question is important to him. I can feel it.
“I’ve missed you, Josh. Just being with you makes me feel better. I can’t explain it. You are my medicine, and you calm me. When you’re with me, I can stop worrying.” He nods as if he understands and snuggles deeper into my neck.