Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 160782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 160782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
I glare at her. “While we are being honest, I don’t cheat on my wife. I am not that man anymore. Get out of my sight,” I shake my head in frustration.
She stands angrily. “We’ll see, you will be begging for sex any day now.”
Adrian comes to the door. “Is everything ok in here?” He looks around and frowns at the tension in the room.
I start to retype. “Adrian, can you please escort this trollop out of the office. I won’t be needing any further assistance from her.” My eyes flick to him.
He smiles broadly at me. “I’d love to.” He gives me a wink. I sit in the quiet of the office and drink my coffee alone as
I wait for the hard drive systems to back up half an hour later. My mind keeps rerunning over the conversation with Tatiana. ‘One woman would never be able to satisfy you, you have a roving eye. The way that you looked at me this morning, the way you danced with me at the wedding’. Is she right? Am I such an ingrained player that I don’t even know when I am doing it anymore? My mind goes to Natasha, have I made her feel insecure? That was never my intention, she had me completely.
Up until half an hour ago I blamed her totally for our break-up and now…I’m completely confused. I think back to the conversation in the car at Willowvale that I had with Natasha about Amelie. I hardly remember what was said and yet Tash knows the conversation word for word. Did I really say that I wasn’t with Amelie because of her? I thought it was obvious to everyone that I didn’t want Amelie…but then even Amelie thought I wanted her, so of course Tash would think that too. I put my head in my hands as I try to think this through. The other night at dinner I watched Natasha cry and tell me that she loved me and yet I told her I only wanted sex from her. Of course, she doubts me, I doubt myself. Why in the hell would I do that to her and then go home and cuddle her all night, in fact every night since? I put my head into my hands on the desk. I’m confused. I can’t be brought to my knees by her again. I break into a cold sweat just thinking of how dark those days were.
But then when I’m with her…she’s so perfect…we are perfect. She radiates this inner honesty, but I don’t know if that is because I am so blinded by my feelings for her that I only see what I want to see. How could someone so gentle and loving break me three times and not care…but then… have I caused her to feel insecure and hurt?
Have I brought this hurt on myself?
Why in the hell did I let myself sleep with Amelie and then not tell Tash about it? And the money, was Amelie telling the truth about Natasha bringing up money in their argument?
I sit back in my chair and put the heels of my hands into my eye sockets.
“You ok in here?” Adrian stands at the door and smiles warmly.
I nod. “Can I ask you something Murph?”
“Sure.” He walks in and takes a seat next to me.
“Do you think I give off the vibe that I’m on the market?” He smiles. “Yes, definitely.”
I frown. “If I was going out with you, would you be insecure?” He smiles and raises his eyebrows.
“Most definitely.”
I sit back in frustration and bite on my thumbnail.
“Do you think that I honestly love Natasha?”
He smiles as he puts his hand on my shoulder. “Without a doubt. What’s going on?”
“Tatiana said that I give off a vibe that I’m a player and she knows that I could never be loyal to one woman. Do you believe that?”
He smiles warmly. “Josh, men play around till they meet the right person. Don’t beat yourself up because you have had fun for the last seven years. Why are you bringing this up now?”
“I just don’t understand why.” I shrug, unable to articulate what I want to say.
“Why Tash pushes you away?” he asks, and I nod.
“Joshua, you are one of the most eligible bachelors in the world, good looking, built like a gorilla, rich as hell. And for someone like Natasha who is so quintessentially Australian and so down to earth, it would be hard to take all that on. I actually don’t know how I would handle it either. I think she does an amazing job at handling your life by refusing to give into it and it’s a learning curve for her as well, I think. It’s the man you are from now on that counts. You always say you want to be a loyal husband.”