Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91164 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
“I wanted a cup of tea.” It’s true too, as true as why I woke up. “Where’s Cassian?” I ask.
“Not sure. He’s been handling business while you’ve been sleeping.”
“Ah.” It explains why he looks like he hasn’t slept in days because he hasn’t.
“May I sit?” Jet asks.
“Um…” I untuck my legs from underneath me and scoot over a little because the seat here is an oversized chair that could fit two if you sit thigh-to-thigh.
But Jet doesn’t sit beside me. He sets my teacup on the altar and takes a seat on the edge of the table in front of me. It’s almost more intimate with him like this because his knees are touching mine. But being face-to-face with him like this is unsettling. I clear my throat.
“I have them too,” he says, elbows on his knees, leaning toward me. He must see my confusion because he continues. “The nightmares. I hear you sometimes.”
I feel my face burn and I don’t know how to answer. He reaches out to take my injured hand gently in his. The bandage is smaller now, only covering my lost finger, wrapped around my palm to keep it secure. It doesn’t bleed anymore, but it still hurts. I don’t tell Cassian that part. I want the hurt. I want it not to remember, because how could I forget? But to fuel my anger, my rage. I will need it to butcher Malek. I will need it to be a monster. Because I will need to be that to avenge both my mother and myself.
“You hear me?” I ask.
He nods. “I’ve been staying here. My rooms are there.” He gestures in the general area.
I nod. “You lived here once?”
“In a way, I guess. Not officially, but Cassian and I used to be closer.”
“What happened to change that?”
He studies me and I get the feeling he’s trying to decide if he should tell me or not and how much to tell me.
“It’s a long story.”
I shrug a shoulder. “I have nowhere to go.”
“Another time, Allegra. I wanted to tell you something else tonight and he doesn’t usually let you out of his sight so...” There’s a moment, an unfunny laugh before he clears his throat and continues. “You saw my scars. The night I brought you up from the crypt.”
I nod, remembering the marks on his torso.
“I used to have nightmares all the time in the beginning. Less and less now, but they still come.”
“What are they? The scars?”
He shrugs a shoulder. “Someone I trusted wanting to teach me people are not trustworthy,” he answers cryptically. “But it was a good lesson to learn. Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to tell you. I wanted to say that now, when they come, when they wake me up, I tell them to go fuck themselves.” He grins, gives me a wink.
I smile, unable not to. “So you basically tell them to fuck off and that works? What happens?”
He shrugs again. “They fuck off. I mean, not always, but my point is it’s a choice every time, Allegra. You have to choose not to succumb to them. You don’t have to be their bitch. It’s up to you.”
My lip trembles.
He shifts his gaze to our hands. I follow it. I want to pull mine away. I remember how horrifying my mother’s hands looked after. For all the shame I feel for that, I want to pull my hands away now. To hide them.
“Stop,” he says, the words quietly spoken, but no less a command.
I look up at him.
He raises his eyebrows and when I don’t pull away, he turns my hand palm up and brushes his thumb over the center of it then up along my wrist.
I draw in a sharp breath at the sensation, the feather light touch.
“You don’t know what I did,” I say, meeting the forest green of his eyes which are watching me through thick black lashes.
“What do you mean?”
I lick my lips, open my mouth to tell him. My heart beats harder and I feel myself flush.
“I—”
“Allegra.”
I practically jump out of my seat when I turn to find Cassian standing a few feet away watching us. I jerk my hand out of Jet’s wondering how long he’s been standing there.
Jet stands. Cassian watches him get to his feet. “What are you doing, Jet?”
“Just giving Allegra her notebook back.” He gestures to the book on my lap.
Cassian turns to me. He looks skeptical. “Why aren’t you in bed?”
“I wanted some tea.”
“When I’m not here, someone will get you tea or whatever else you want. I told you that. We had an agreement.”
“She needed a change of scene, Cassian. You can’t keep her locked up in your room forever,” Jet says, climbing down the steps.
Cassian’s eyes narrow and he takes a step toward Jet. “She wasn’t locked up.”