Total pages in book: 162
Estimated words: 151630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 758(@200wpm)___ 607(@250wpm)___ 505(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 151630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 758(@200wpm)___ 607(@250wpm)___ 505(@300wpm)
“And they share the job of loving and protecting you.” He stares off in the distance for a moment. “I suppose Deinny and I did that as well, in our way. Or rather Deinny took care of her while I took care of myself. When I look back on it, I wonder if she really loved me in the end or if she was afraid of me.”
Yes, he should ask those questions. Asking those questions will never fix the past, but they might save his soul. “She could do both. I assure you. I can love and be disappointed at the same time. We’re imperfect creatures. We’re always going to fight, to be upset, to wish things were different. In a marriage, getting through it all with honesty and love is the measure of how successful it can be.”
“And when did you realize you couldn’t trust them?”
Danger. I need to not overplay my hand. He still has to believe he’s got a shot with me. “When they didn’t listen to me about Myrddin.” Damn, but there was some truth there. I understand now they were under a thrall stone, but there’s a tiny piece of me that knows it would have been hard for me to get them to listen even without it. I still remember how Daniel had looked at the wizard when we first met him, how sad he’d been at the thought that Myrddin chose to walk the Earth with Nimue instead of mentoring him. “Daniel is what’s known as the King of the Sword. He carries an ancient sword meant for kings who rule during particularly important times. It was a system set up millennia ago by the Heaven and Hell planes. To keep Earth in balance. Myrddin is the king’s mentor. But he decided to take the power for himself this time. I always knew something was wrong with him. I knew it from when we met, and they wouldn’t listen.”
“Your anger is more about the lost time with your children than it is the throne,” the king surmises. “Losing the throne and the crown are just things you threw in for me.”
Yes, this is a delicate line. “I have to think of my children, Devinshea. Yes, they are my primary concern. I don’t really care about the crown. I loved the man, not the king. Not the high priest.”
He nods as though he expected the answer. “You are so much like her it worries me. It makes me think I’ll disappoint you like I disappointed her.”
“Did she tell you that?” I ask.
“Not in so many words, but how could she not be? I left her alone.”
“You left her with her best friend,” I point out.
“And made it plain that if she were ever to be with him physically, our relationship would be over. I knew she loved him but by the time she was willing to open herself to his love, she was pregnant. I could have stepped back and let them raise the child. If I had done what I needed to do, she would be alive and Deinny would be alive. They would be a family,” he admits.
“You didn’t mean to hurt me. I might have been lonely without you, but if I stayed true to you it was because I loved you. If she was anything like me, she didn’t let fear rule her. She made conscious decisions.” I give him the words because I think he needs to hear them. But there are things he must atone for. “But why kill Deinny?”
“I couldn’t stand the way he looked at me after. After I took my revenge.” His head drops. “We had a fight. I was drunk. I used some potent drugs to try to forget how my brother looked when I ran a sword through his gut before taking off his head. Deinny said some things to me I didn’t want to hear, and I gave the order. I regretted it when I was sober again, but it was done. They all think I feel nothing. They do not know the weight of guilt that presses on me.”
“Devinshea, I am not her. You are trying to recreate a relationship that can’t exist.”
I think I have him for a moment and then his expression clears, and I watch him make the choice to stay mired in this course he chose so long ago. “It can. You will see. I will be better this time. This time I will make things right. I already started by allowing your son to take over my temple. We will have to fix that, but I think it proves I can be a better husband for you. And you will come to enjoy the crown and throne. I think your husbands didn’t do it right. Servant, bring my fiancée another pillow.”