Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 129027 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129027 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Fuck. I thought it had been enough time. I pull a peppermint candy from my pocket to get the goddamn scent of burning fuel outta my head.
I was sure I could handle this kind of work. But what happens if I fail Kira right when she needs me most?
THIRTY-SIX
KIRA
So much has happened since poker night a couple weeks ago—going into subspace and coming back to the hotel to find the stalker had struck again—and then everything just went back to… normal.
Well, as normal as squatting at a billionaire’s house can be, and continuing wedding preparations, and climbing into bed every night with a mountain of an ex-military man. Isaak’s been working out with Domhn while I lesson plan, and I swear, he’s getting even more cut. Meanwhile, my body gets softer and doughier because while Domhn does all the cooking, Anna loves to bake.
When I met with the friend who’s designing my wedding dress this past week, she had to let it out because I’d gained weight. I can see it in my rounder face, too, and the disgust and disapproval in my mother’s expression is evident when she looked me up and down at a final walk through with the caterer on Monday.
But Isaak tells me I’m beautiful every day, and you know what? I’m starting to think he’s right.
Ever since that night at the club, it’s felt easier and easier to believe. Besides, Isaak doesn’t have any trouble tossing my body around at night. I never knew sex could be this good. It turns out I like having a little extra flesh on my bones for him to hold onto and an ass that jiggles when he spanks it.
The stalker still sends me a non-stop barrage of emails and texts, but that, too, starts to just become another part of the routine. As long as Isaak’s by my side, I feel safe and sort of invincible.
But while the routines feel normal, it’s only because I’m trying to keep incredibly busy so I don’t have time to stop and think about the rollercoaster I’m strapped into, speeding inexorably toward a cliff that’s now fully visible in the distance.
The date is marked on my calendar with a big wedding bell emoji.
It’s supposed to be the most exciting day in a young woman’s life. The day she’s dreamed about since she was a little girl running around the house in princess dresses.
Except I was never that little girl.
I was a sad, bookish little kid who hid in closets reading fanfiction on my phone so Carol couldn’t find me to yell at me some more. I dreamed about becoming an adult so I would finally be in control of my own life. Not so I could get married to a boy.
My heart sinks whenever I think about getting married to Drew.
And it’s like I can feel Isaak’s disappointment in me whenever I have to go do something wedding-related.
He thinks I should call it off. He’s never said it, but I know he’s thinking it.
But he—
He doesn’t understand.
It’s my whole life I’d be throwing into chaos. Sure, maybe that night at the club I felt brave, but the rest of the time, when I’m sane, I know I cling to the safe walls of my box for a reason. Even that night, I was only so brave because I got to completely rely on Isaak’s strength. And I refuse to be a woman who relies on a man like that all the time. In bed is one thing. But in my real life…
I just know my limits. And my limits require that I keep to the safe structures and walls laid out for me. That way I don’t have to worry about completely melting down in an anxiety puddle all the time.
Sure I haven’t been melting down as often lately. Even the intrusive thoughts haven’t been as bad.
But I suspect that’s just because I’ve been getting to let off steam with Isaak so often. And yes, this thing between us is great, but it’s just temporary…
He might think I’m making a mistake marrying Drew, but it’s not like he’s making me any promises or even suggesting what’s between us could be more.
I look across the truck to Isaak driving, his massive, muscled forearms bulging as he turns into the cake shop parking lot.
“We’re here,” he says unnecessarily. He keeps staring straight ahead, not looking at me. He always gets remote like this when I have a wedding-related errand.
“Wanna try some cake with me?”
“You’ll have Drew there,” he says. “I don’t wanna be a third wheel. I’ll stand guard outside.”
I frown at him, wishing I could read his mind. Does he think there could be more between us, if... If I did the ridiculous, bet everything, and went all in on… us?
Is that even a possibility?