Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
I curl up into a ball and cry the kind of cry you feel in your chest. I wish I knew how to have the freedom I crave while also being in a relationship, but I don’t.
How do I face Sawyer again, knowing I can’t give him what he wants?
How do I even talk to him about any of this? Yeah, we talked about wanting different things that night we went on our first official date. But now it’s time to move beyond that.
It’s time to make a choice. And I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do.
CHAPTER 27
Ava
BAGGAGE
Despite our jam-packed schedules and my very real misgivings about the future of our relationship, Sawyer and I see each other every day that week.
I guess neither of us can stay away.
After preschool drop-off, I sneak over to his place for chocolate-flavored coffee and some very hot shower sex on Monday.
Sawyer has Junie and I over for taco night Tuesday.
We meet up again on Wednesday after drop-off. I have a lesson I need to get to, so we end up having an athletic round of sixty-nining in the bed of his truck just off Main Street. I’m the one who suggested the location. And Sawyer, being the excellent human being he was, enthusiastically honored my exhibitionist streak.
Thursday, I have Sawyer and Ella over for chicken potpie. I use Ina Garten’s recipe, and it’s a huge hit all around.
It’s another post-drop-off coffee date on Friday. We have sex, and then we play hooky for an hour and sit by the fire he lights at his place, laughing and talking about everything but the future of our relationship.
We do make plans for a weekend filled with sex, food, dancing, mezcal negronis, and more sex. Sawyer’s brothers offer babysitting coverage for both days, and I confirm with Dan that he’ll be taking Junie.
The prospect of having not one, but two whole days to do whatever I want has me both giddy and apprehensive. I need to tell Sawyer how I’m feeling—to talk to him about the doubts I have, and what we’re going to do about our differing versions of happily ever after.
Dan is the normal amount of late on Saturday. Per our custody agreement, he’s supposed to pick June up at twelve, the idea being that June would nap on the ride back to Dan’s place. But he usually arrives around three or four, so I have her nap here first. I learned the hard way not to keep her up for him. We’re going to have to revisit the schedule now that Junie is in school and he can’t keep her super late on Sundays anymore.
Today, he knocks on my door at quarter past four. Luckily Junie took a decent nap, so she’ll be in good spirits on the drive back to his place.
Doing my best to ignore the familiar twist of resentment in my chest, I open the door with a smile.
“Junie, look who it is,” I say.
Dan steps inside. “Hey, y’all. Sorry I’m late.”
No you’re not.
“Daddy!” Junie screams, launching herself into his outstretched arms.
He wraps her in a tight hug, lifting her off the ground. “Hey, princess! Oh, I’ve missed you. We get the whole weekend together. We’re going to have fun, aren’t we?”
“The most fun,” June replies. “Can Mommy come though?”
The feeling in my chest twists tighter. “Aw, Bug, you and daddy are going to have special time together, remember? I’ll be waiting for you right here when he drops you back off tomorrow.”
She pouts. “But I want you both to be with me today.”
“Well, your mommy made that call.” Dan pinches her cheek. “We can’t all be together anymore.”
“Hey,” I fire back.
“What? You’re the one who wanted it this way.”
Exhibit A how my ex loathes who I am and doesn’t understand the choices I make. Amazing how much easier Sawyer is to deal with. Talk to. Be with.
“Dan, not in front of her, okay?”
“Clearly she knows this isn’t normal.” He puts June down, and she immediately wraps herself around my legs.
I pat her back soothingly. “It’s all right, Bug. Mommy and Daddy are just having a little disagreement.” I give him a look. “Do you not want to take her? Because I’m more than happy—”
“Of course I want to take my daughter. I just hate when she’s all bummed out like this.”
“She’ll be fine once she’s in your car. Isn’t that right, June? I packed her tablet and it’s fully charged. We downloaded Rapunzel—”
“Mr. Sawyer helped me do it!” June announces proudly. “He’s so nice. He’s always helping me and Mommy.”
My stomach dips as Dan’s eyes take on a hard, mean glimmer.
“Who is Mr. Sawyer?”
“Mommy goes on dates with him.”
Dan stares at me. My thoughts race.
He and I are divorced. I’m allowed to go on dates with other people. I’m not doing anything wrong here. Yeah, maybe he’s questioning my decision to introduce June to Sawyer without informing Dan first. But really, how could I have avoided that? Our daughters go to school together, for crying out loud. They’re best friends. Ms. Sherman constantly tells us at pickup how inseparable they are.