Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
He looks at me as he takes a drink. “Tell me, Josh. How is this going to go? Have you thought about this? I mean really thought what this will mean for her?”
I take a swig of my beer as my eyes wander to Natasha who is dancing with Francesca by the pool, and I smile. “Yes, I am fully aware she will have to move to America to be with me, but she wants to. She offered first.”
He narrows his eyes as he listens.
“How much do you love her?” he asks as he takes another drink.
I break into a full smile as I shake my head. “Man, the sun sets with her. I’m done. This is all I want; all I’ll ever want. The last seven years have told me that.” He listens and I can see him thinking as he watches her dancing with his daughter. I raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to speak, and when he doesn’t, I ask the question. “Spit it out. What do you want to say?”
“I just don’t think….” He stays silent. I frown as I try to work out what he is saying. “I just think I love Maria too much. I couldn’t let her sacrifice so much to be with me.”
I frown as I try to work out his meaning. “What do you mean?” I ask.
“She has to give up her job, her family, her friends and her country to be with you.”
“I know but I told her after five or ten years we could come back here.”
“Are you really prepared to take motherhood from her, Josh?”
I frown. My eyes shoot to Natasha who is now wading in the pool with Bridget and the three girls.
“Josh, you know you two can’t have children together, right?”
My heart drops. “What do you mean?” I ask, panicked.
“Josh, it’s crossbreeding. You can’t do it. The children will end up sick.” My eyes widen as I take in the information he has just given me. My eyes flick to Natasha again. Why in the hell did I not think of this before? Fuck!
“Look, I don’t know, man. It’s none of my business. But you had better be sure before you strip her of everything is all I’m saying.” He looks at me deadpan and takes another swig of his beer and I know he is completely serious.
Maria comes over and grabs Sean by the hand. “I’m stealing my husband, Joshua.” And with that she drags him away. I sit still, stunned to my core. I am so fucking stupid. My heart drops as I watch Natasha’s uninhibited laughter, like she doesn’t have a care in the world. She deserves better than I can give her, all the money in the world cannot replace motherhood or her family. I close my eyes and consider the serious ramifications for her if we stay together. In years to come I know she will regret the choice to give up a family to be with me—anyone in their right mind would. I’m not worth the sacrifice. Not with my baggage. She should be with someone like…Christopher. He can give her what I can’t. He still loved her, and they weren’t even sleeping together. Pain lances through my chest as I realize she is better off with someone else, someone for whom she would not have to sacrifice. Someone who I know would look after her. Someone who loves her as much as I do. Her words come back to haunt me. I had to save you from yourself, baby, you were going to give everything up to be with me and I loved you too much to let you do it. I put my head in my hands as I think. I honestly don’t know if I can do it. I’m not strong enough to walk away. Am I?
Natasha
On the way home I am holding Josh’s hand on my lap. “Are you tired, baby?” I ask and his eyes flick to me and he frowns. “You hardly ate any dinner and you’re so quiet.”
He smiles a shy smile at me. “Yeah, I guess I am.” He picks my hand up and kisses the back of it. His eyes are then on the road and he is deep in thought again. What is he thinking about?
“Do you think your friends liked me?” I ask nervously.
He smiles broadly at me. “There isn’t a person on earth who wouldn’t like you, Tash.”
I smile. “Except for your mother,” I tease.
He bursts out laughing. “Yes, she is the exception.” He rolls his eyes. We get home and I get into the shower and Josh stays in the kitchen and puts the kettle on. Twenty minutes later I get out of the shower wondering where my shower buddy got to, fully expecting him to be asleep on the lounge. I look up the hall from my bedroom and I see Josh pacing in the lounge room with both hands linked on the top of his head. He does that when he is upset. I’ve seen him do it before. What’s the matter with him? What is he thinking about? He seems worried about something. I stand in the hall watching him. I have to say he’s acting strange. I walk out as I continue drying my hair.