Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
I remember Ava’s words. I want to help, so let me.
She clearly lets other people help her, and her village seems a lot bigger and more vibrant than mine. She’s part of a safety net, but she’s not the safety net. Which I think explains why she’s so much goddamn fun. There’s a lightness to her, an ease I fucking adore.
I’m wondering if my instinct to take life so seriously is part of why I’m so run-down. I’ve always felt this need to run around with my arms outstretched, on alert in case anyone falls, in case anyone needs me. I love my people, and I want to be there for them. Show up for them.
Save them, because I love them too fiercely to see them suffer.
But maybe I need to let people just … do their thing, so I can do mine. As we’ve gotten older, my brothers have proven themselves to be capable adult humans.
Maybe they don’t need me to save them.
Maybe I never really had the power to prevent their suffering in the first place. Maybe I’ve suffered enough trying to fulfill a role no one asked me to take on.
“Didn’t Ella run you ragged while we were in Austin?” I still ask.
Wyatt shrugs. “I caught up on sleep after she left. We survived.”
“Mollie and I are happy to babysit Ella,” Cash says. “Got plenty of room at the house, and it’ll be good practice for us.”
Mollie got pregnant on their honeymoon back in the fall. She’s due this summer, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that Ella’s finally getting a cousin.
I nod, emotion clogging my windpipe. “I just might take you up on that. Thank you.”
Ryder lets out a low whistle. “You really do got it bad if you’re letting us help out with Ella not once, but twice now.”
“Is a picnic date cheesy?” I ask. “Supposed to warm up later this week.”
Duke shakes his head. “I don’t think it’s cheesy at all. You know I love any excuse to get out of town. And I bet Patsy will help you make a spread of food.”
“Patsy is the best,” Cash says.
Patsy is Lucky River Ranch’s chef—best in the business—and our adopted mother figure. She’s kind and patient, but she’s also not afraid to tell it like it is.
Duke grins. “And now that Wyatt knows all about wine—”
“My girl likes her cabernet.” Wyatt shrugs. “So I learned some and drank some more. I’ll drop off a bottle or three at your house tomorrow.”
My eyes burn. I resist the urge to look away. “Thanks.”
“Ella’s going to be fine.” Cash puts a hand on my shoulder. “And so are you. Name the date for your, er, date, and we’ll help you make it happen.”
Wyatt has a wistful look on his face. “Lovers, let them love.”
“Dude.” Ryder rolls his eyes. “You really need to keep that thought to yourself.”
But Cash just laughs. “Loving makes life worth living.”
“All right, Riley Green. Enough with the cheesy song lyrics.”
“What? It’s true.”
I smile, because he’s right.
It only takes five books, twenty minutes of what we call “back scratchies,” and the promise of a special treat in the morning to get Ella to finally pass out at eight o’clock that night.
I always feel so lame for collapsing into bed ten minutes after she goes down, but tonight I’m downright giddy to get into bed.
I finally get to text Ava. Initially I thought I’d call her, but my brothers told me to cool my jets a little.
“She’s a single parent too,” Cash explained. “Meaning she’s just as beat as you are at the end of the day. There’s a good chance she’ll either miss your call or send you to voice mail. But a text—it’s not as much of a commitment. She can respond to it anytime, and it still lets you know you’re thinking about her without that layer of guilt that comes when you feel like you should call someone back, but you can’t for whatever reason.”
I don’t know when my grumpy, growly older brother became an expert in dating, but here we are.
Back at the barn, the five of us workshopped some text ideas before we all headed home. Cash and Wyatt counseled me to keep it cute and fun. Ryder and Duke pushed me toward an agenda that was light on substance, heavy on sexting.
I decide to strike a note somewhere in between.
SAWYER RIVERS
Think you can get a sitter for Saturday night? I’d like to take you to dinner.
I try not to feel disappointed when she doesn’t respond right away. I distract myself by scrolling through my email and the app our preschool uses to post announcements and photos. I smile when I see a picture Ms. Sherman posted earlier today of Ella and Junie going down the slide together on the playground.