Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
I could really use some wisdom right now.
CHAPTER 28
Ava
LIFELINE
“Aw, sweetie, what’s wrong?” Dottie asks after picking up on the first ring.
I scoff. “How’d you know something was wrong?”
“You’re supposed to be getting ready to see your cowboy. Tell me what happened.”
I’ve kept my sisters up on the developments between Sawyer and me. It’s been far too juicy of a story not to share. My sisters and I text every day and chat on the phone multiple times a week, so it’d have been weird if I hadn’t told them.
Bee takes all the credit for my budding relationship with Sawyer, seeing as she’s the one who, in her words, “literally pushed y’all into each other’s arms.”
Dottie loves hearing about all the sweet things Sawyer does for Junie and me.
After witnessing the hell I went through with Dan, I know they’re glad to see me putting myself out there again. To see me happy, happy enough to give a relationship a try.
Am I brave enough, though?
“Where do I start?” I take a deep breath. “Dan and I just got into a big fight when he came to pick up Junie.”
“I hate that guy.”
“He’s the absolute worst,” I say with a mirthless chuckle. “Long story short, he did what he always does and made me feel like shit about myself. Basically implied that I was putting June in danger by introducing her to Sawyer.”
A pause.
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish I were. Dan even asked to see my phone so he could read my texts, because I’m clearly some, like, unhinged, unfit mother who’d neglect her child to go have sex with random men.”
“He’s threatened by you. That’s why he’s always tried to make you smaller. Less sure of yourself. You know that, right? That he’s always been afraid you’ll realize how much better you are than him, so he tries to put you down? Keep you scared and mixed up?”
I stick my tongue into my cheek. “I do, yeah. I just wish his bullshit didn’t still get to me. I know I’m doing the right thing—I’m making good choices, Dot—but now I feel bad. I’m also in no state to go see Sawyer.”
“Don’t you dare let that asshole second-guess yourself. And don’t you dare let him keep you from your cowboy.”
My face crumples. “Maybe it’s for the best.”
Dottie guffaws. “That’s a lie, and you know it. Divorcing a narcissistic jerk-off who tried to change everything about you—that was for the best. Blowing off the cute cowboy who worships every last bit of you? That’s not, and I refuse to allow it.”
The knot in my center loosens ever so slightly. My sister is right about Sawyer. I truly can’t imagine him ever accusing me the way Dan did.
I can’t imagine Sawyer ever trying to keep me mixed up. He’s not afraid of who I am. Hell, he’s not afraid of what I want, even though it’s the opposite of what he wants. He still lets me be, well, me.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Dottie asks, reading my mind.
“Jesus, Dot, way to put me on the spot.”
“You’re a poet and you didn’t even know it.” I hear the smile in her voice. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious, sweetie. From what you’ve told me about Sawyer, he’d never do anything to intentionally make you cry sad tears this way.”
I glance at the ceiling. The fan is on, casting shadows as it lazily stirs the air.
“But he wants to get married. Kids, dogs, white picket fence. The whole nine yards.”
“And?”
“And?” I laugh. “What do you mean? You know I have no interest in any of that. He’s a good guy, Dottie. He deserves the world. Everything he wants, he really and truly deserves. He’s an excellent human being. He works hard and loves harder, and I don’t want to stand in the way of him getting the happily ever after he’s always dreamed of.”
Dottie pauses. I hear her munching on something. Cashews, if I had to guess. She’s a constant snacker.
“I don’t buy it,” she says at last.
I roll my eyes. “What don’t you buy?”
“That you and Junie aren’t his happily ever after. I mean, what if y’all have already found it? Paradise? Because really, what could heaven possibly be other than the freedom to be your freaky little authentic selves together?”
Feels good to keep laughing, despite the tears that continue to leak out of my eyes.
“I know you,” Dottie continues. “What you value most in life are freedom and authenticity. Two things you were never, ever going to find with Dan. But Sawyer? Totally different story. You gotta give the guy a chance to prove you wrong, A.”
I already know the answer. But I still ask, “Prove me wrong about what?”
“That romantic relationships equal inevitable disappointment.”
Looking down at the sofa, I let the idea marinate inside my head. “I’m okay being on my own. I like my life as it is.”