Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
“I know you do. I also know that you know that family is the beginning and end of everything. All family is, A, is a bunch of people who love each other. Family is love. Ergo—”
“Love is the beginning and end of everything.” Lord, the tears are really falling now.
“So let love in, damn it.”
“You know what I love? How you can make me laugh and cry at the same time.”
“I’m awesome. I’m also right, and you know it.”
I take a breath in. Let it out. In. Out. Over and over, thinking.
Feeling.
“But he wants to get married,” I say at last. “Sawyer grew up in this, like, picture-perfect family—”
“They’re really great, aren’t they?”
My stomach somersaults when I remember the way Mollie and Wheeler helped me pick out my boots and outfit.
Also, they refused to let me pay for the boots, telling me the only payment they’d accept is attendance at ladies’ night at The Rattler on Tuesdays. Apparently Mollie is a big fan, even though she can’t drink at the moment.
Also also, I know Mollie and Wheeler aren’t Riverses by birth or blood. But they’re part of this sweet little family I’ve found here in Hartsville. A family that Sawyer helped create, alongside the brothers.
Let’s not forget the way Duke has quietly cheered us on from the sidelines. And then there’s the fact that Cash and Mollie babysat Ella so Sawyer and I could go out the other night.
“Really great,” I say, throat closing in all over again.
“But they’re not perfect. No one is. Which is why I think you have some room to get creative here. Sawyer says he’s looking for marriage, which you take to mean a white picket fence and babies and all that. What if—hear me out here—he’s actually looking for commitment? Because marriage and commitment aren’t the same thing. Maybe you can’t give him a ring, but you can show up. Be a really great friend. You can be a great listener. You can be there for him and for his daughter. I think this is a classic case of showing being more impactful and important than telling.”
I scrunch my brow. “Explain.”
“Like”—Dottie lets out a breath—“you’re showing him you’re all in with what you do. Who cares about what the two of you say to each other on a stupid altar at a stupid wedding? Words mean nothing. Deeds are everything. Sawyer is a smart guy. I think he’ll ultimately appreciate that more than your signature on a marriage license. You learned firsthand how worthless that piece of paper can be.”
I dab at my eyes with my sleeve. “I like that idea. Really, I don’t think you’re wrong about Sawyer appreciating the small things—the everyday deeds. That’s what I love about him. But I’m not sure that will be enough. I get why he wants the big white wedding with all his friends and family there. He’s a family man at heart. A true romantic.”
“And you’re not?”
I let out a bark of laughter. “Dot, I’m the opposite of a romantic at this point.”
“Hard disagree. You’re in love right now. So in love that you can’t fucking stand it, can you?”
“I am.” Running a hand through my hair, I form a fist at my crown and squeeze my eyes shut. “And I can’t.”
“Listen. We all want a guarantee that things will work out and we’ll be okay. Truth is, nobody gets a guarantee. You take risks and hope they work out, and that’s all you can do.”
“I’ve taken some really stupid risks,” I manage, my voice threadbare.
“Sawyer is not a stupid risk, sweetie. You and I both know that. Your experience with him is totally different from your experience with Dan. Sawyer loves you for who you are, not who he thinks you should be. Maybe that’ll change down the road. But I highly, highly doubt that.”
My pulse drums in my ears. “Why do you think that?”
“Sawyer knows what he wants, and in keeping with that, he knows who he is. He’s not trying to be something or someone he’s not. He doesn’t need to impress anyone other than you. Which he’ll go to the ends of the earth to do, by the way.”
Let me stay. Please, Ava, let me stay.
I’m ready to run when you are.
“I can’t go through it again.” I cover my eyes with my hand. “If things don’t work out—there’s Junie, and my job—life is so good right now, and I don’t want to start over—”
“You know it’d be a tragedy, right?”
“What would?”
“If you let this fear you have of people disappointing you sabotage what could be a really beautiful time in your life. I love you, but I can already see you thinking you’d be better off if you end things now before Sawyer inevitably lets you down.”
“Because he will let me down, Dot.”